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Open: Autobiography of Andre Agassi

by Andre Agassi with J.R. Moehringer, 2009

Born in 1970, played professional tennis 20 years, 1986-2006. His father was a monster: violent, mean, used to drill him constantly with the Dragon – a souped-up ball machine, when he was 7. Sent him to Florida to Nick Bollettiere Academy in Florida when he was 11 or 12. He hates it there. It’s like a prison. He rebels big time. But they won’t let him quit because he’s the best. They let him quit school in 9th grade. He turns pro at age 16 (1986). He meets Gil Reyes, a trainer at UNLV, and asks him to become his personal trainer. Gil is his savior – he is his best friend, his father figure, and a very good trainer. From 1990-1991 he plays slams and loses them all – to Chang, Pete, Courier, Courier. 1990 French Open Final against Gomez – hair disaster. His first slam win is Wimbledon in 1992 against Ivanisevic. His first slam win against Sampras was Australian Open 1995. “Pete, always Pete.” This is when he went bald – his hair in late 80’s early 90’s was a WIG!

His favorite movie was Shadowlands. He adored Steffi Graff from day one and was so bummed when they both won Wimbledon in 1992 and they eliminated the winner’s dance. He marries Brooke Shields April 1997 after dating for 2 years. Very unhappy – never together – two completely different people – Actor/Tennis Player. He starts using crystal meth while dating her and hits rock bottom tennis-wise. His coach, Brad Gilbert, tells him it’s time to change or quit. He decides to change.

But before he can change, he gets a call from the ATP doctor that he failed the drug test. “The urine sample you submitted has been found to contain trace amounts of crystal methylene.” Since it’s a recreational drug rather than performance-enhancing, it’s a Class 2, meaning 3 months suspension. He’s supposed to write a letter of guilt to the ATP – he helps Gil’s daughter, Kacey, beforehand, because she’s in an L.A. hospital in agony. Her room is so hot. Andre goes and buys the biggest air conditioner and he and Gil install it. Then, Andre goes and buys a little inner tube, puts it under her head, and blows it up so her head is in the center. “A look of pure relief, and gratitude, and joy washes over her face, and in this look, in this courageous little girl, I find the thing I’ve been seeking, the philosopher’s stone that unites all the experiences, good and bad, of the last few years. Her suffering, her resilient smile in the face of that suffering, my part in easing her suffering – this, this is the reason for everything. How many times must I be shown? This is why we’re here. To fight through the pain and, when possible, to relieve the pain of others. So simple, so hard to see.”

He writes a letter to the ATP saying Slim, whom he’s since fired, is a known drug user and often spikes his sodas with meth. He says he recently drank from one of Slim’s spiked sodas. The ATP accepts it and absolves him.

He starts over – from the bottom, new training program with Gil. Playing in the “Challengers.”

In 1997, he seems a 60 minutes show about charter schools and resolves, through his newly opened charitable foundation, to build a charter school for at-risk kids in Las Vegas.

Then he gets the opportunity to go to South Africa and meet Nelson Mandela, one of his heroes.

“Bidding Mandela goodbye, I’m magnetized, I’m pointed in the right direction…I love and revere those who suffer, who have ever suffered. I am now more nearly a grown up member of the human race. God wants us to grow up.”

He and Brooke divorce in 1999. He wins the French Open in 1999 against Medvedev. He, with Brad his coach, decide the woman he is meant to be with is Steffi Graf. He woos her away from a long time boyfriend and she gets pregnant and they get married, no hoopla, match made in heaven. They name their son, Jaden Gil. They have a daughter, Jaz Elle, born Oct 3, 2003.

Stefanie is voted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame. He gives the introduction speech. “I compare her to the artisans and craftsmen who built the great medieval cathedrals…They were perfectionists about every crevice and invisible corner – and that’s Stefanie. And yet also she’s a cathedral, a monument to perfection. I spend five minutes extolling her work ethic, her dignity, her legacy, her strength, her grace. In closing, I utter the truest thing I’ve ever said about her. Ladies and gentleman, I introduce you to the greatest person I have ever known.”

He meets Federer at the 2004 US Open in the quarters. Federer is the number one seed…”He’s growing before my eyes into one of the game’s all-time greats…I can’t help but stand back and admire his immense skills, his magnificent composure. He’s the most regal player I’ve ever witnessed.”

He meets Federer again in the finals of the US Open 2005. “Federer comes onto the court looking like Cary Grant. I almost wonder if he’s going to play in an ascot and a smoking jacket. He’s permanently smooth, I’m constantly rattled…In the tiebreak, he goes to a place that I don’t recognize. He finds a gear that other players simply don’t have. He wins 7-1…I’m reminded how slight the margin can be on a tennis court, how narrow the space between greatness and mediocrity, fame, and anonymity, happiness and despair. We were playing a tight match. We were dead even. Now, due to a tiebreak that made my jaw drop with admiration, the rout is on.”

“Walking to the net, I’m certain that I’ve lost to the better man, the Everest of the next generation. I pity the young players who will have to contend with him. I feel for the man who is fated to play Agassi to his Sampras. Though I don’t mention Pete by name, I have him uppermost in my mind when I tell reporters: “It’s real simple. Most people have weaknesses. Federer has none.””

Agassi is 35 years old at that time (2005).

Agassi Prep School: 26,000 square feet, 500 students, waiting list of 800, $40 million dollar campus. In a run-down part of Las Vegas. “And yet in 8 years not one window has been broken, not one wall has been sprayed with graffiti.” … “My small contribution to the aesthetics of the school: in the common area of the high school building I wanted a gleaming black Steinway. When I delivered the piano, all the students gathered around and I shocked them by playing Lean on Me. What delighted me most was that the students didn’t know who I was. And when their teachers told them, they weren’t all that impressed.”

“…Agassi Prep has a longer day and a longer year than other schools…” “We thought it important that students wear uniforms…in official school colors – burgundy and navy…Every time I walk into the school I’m struck by the irony: I’m now the enforcer of a uniform policy.” (He hated Wimbledon’s dress code of all white.) “In the upper grades, the focus is squarely on college.” “My theme, I think, will be contradictions…Walt Whitman, ‘Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself.'”

“What other message could I hope to deliver? What other message could they expect from a ninth-grade dropout whose proudest accomplishment is his school?”

Last few paragraphs of the book, he and Stefanie are playing tennis together: Autumn 2007.

Andre is a Christian. Early on, PHilly, his big brother, takes him to a non-denominational church in Vegas. J.P. is the pastor. He becomes one of Andre’s very best friends (John Parenti). “I consider myself a Christian, but J.P.’s church is the first one where I’ve felt truly close to God.”

Andre’s father was an Armenian born in Iran and after WWII, the American and British GI’s made him their unofficial ball boy and tennis court custodian and gave him a racket. He loved tennis – decided before Andre was born that he’d be a professional tennis player. One year old – watching ping pong moving only eyes not head – ‘See – A Natural.’

Still in crib, he (father) hung a mobile with tennis balls and encouraged Andre to slap them with a ping pong paddle he taped to his hand. At 3, dad gave him a sawed off rocket and told him to hit whatever he wanted. His favorite was salt shakers through glass windows. His father never got made about hitting something hard with a racket.

In 1988, he plays Michael Chang in the Tournament of Champions. “Once more I square off against Chang, who’s developed a bad habit since last we met. Every time he beats someone, he points to the sky. He thanks God – credits God – for the win, which offends me. That God should take sides in a tennis match, that God should side against me, that God should be in Chang’s box, feels ludicrous and insulting. I beat Chang and savor every blasphemous stroke.”

In 1988 he wore Nike denim shorts. The Nike reps were showing them to McEnroe in Portland in 1987, at the Nike International Challenge. He (McEnroe) “held up a pair of denim shorts and said, ‘What the fuck are these? My eyes got big. I licked my lips and thought, Whoa. Those are cool.. If you don’t want those, Mac, I’ve got dibs. The moment Mac set them aside, I scooped them up. Now I wear them at all my matches, as do countless fans. Sportswriters murder me for it.”

Sportswriters, “They call me a rebel, but I have no interest in being a rebel. I’m only conducting an everyday, run-of-the-mill teenage rebellion…To make matters worse, journalists write down exactly what I say, while I’m saying it, word for word, as if this represented the literal truth. I want to tell them, Hold it, don’t write that down, I’m only thinking out loud here. You’re asking about the subject I understand least – Me. Let me edit myself, contradict myself. But there isn’t time.”

His hair is also falling out at age 18. So his brother Philly gets him a hair piece. “I ask myself: you’re going to wear a hairpiece? During tournaments? I answer: What choice do I have.”

Most painful loss – 1995 US Open against Sampras. He beat Becker to get to the final against Pete. He loses to Pete (torn rib cartilage – tore it while playing Becker).

“I’ve always had trouble shaking off hard losses, but this loss to Pete is different. This is the ultimate loss, the uber-loss, the alpha-omega loss that eclipses all others. Previous losses to Pete, the loss to Courier, the loss to Gomez – they were flesh wounds compared to this, which feels like a spear through the heart. Every day this loss feels new. Every day I tell myself to stop thinking about it, and everyday I can’t. The only respite is fantasizing about retirement.”

Brooke takes him to her favorite restaurant in New York, Campagnola. The manager, Frankie, becomes their friend. Andre finds out how stresses he is over college costs for his kids.

“Days later I talk to Perry and ask him to put aside a nest egg of Nike stock in Frankie’s name…Helping Frankie provides more satisfaction and makes me feel more connected and alive and myself than anything else that happens in 1996. I tell myself: Remember this. Hold onto this. This is the only perfection there is, the perfection of helping others. This is the only thing we can do that has any lasting value or meaning. This is why we’re here. To make each other feel safe.”

In 1997, Slim introduces him to crystal-meth: “I’ve never felt so alive, so hopeful – and above all, I’ve never felt such energy. I’m seized by an urge, a desperate desire to clean. I go tearing around my house, cleaning it from top to bottom. I dust the furniture. I scour the tub. I make the beds. I sweep the floors. When there’s nothing left to clean, I do laundry. All the laundry. I fold every sweater and T-shirt and still haven’t made a dent in my energy.”

Brooke is getting ready for the wedding dress – in physical shape – she puts a photo of the perfect woman on the frig. door – Steffi Graff. April 19, 1997, she and Andre get married in Monterey.

1997 Us Open he plays Rafter in the round of sixteen. “…Rafter plays well all the time. He’s six foot two, with a low center of gravity, and he can change direction like a sports car. He’s one of the hardest guys on the tour to pass, and even harder to dislike. He’s all class, win or lose, and today he wins. He’s all class, win or lose, and today he wins. He gives me a gentlemanly handshake and a smile in which there is an unmistakable trace of pity.”

When his coach, Brad Gilbert, tells him he needs to quit or change: “I hate tennis more than ever – but I hate myself more. I tell myself, so what if you hate tennis? Who cares? All those people out there, all those millions who hate what they do for a living, they do it anyway. Maybe doing what you hate, doing it well and cheerfully, is the point. So you hate tennis. Hate it all you want. You still need to respect it – and yourself. I say, OK, Brad, I’m not ready for it to be over. I’m all in. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

“Change. Time to change, Andre. You can’t go on like this. Change, change, change – I say this word to myself several times a day, every day…less as a warning than as a soothing chant. Far from depressing me, or shaming me, the idea that I must change completely, from top to bottom, brings me back to center. For once I don’t hear that nagging self-doubt that follows every personal resolution. I won’t fail this time, I can’t, because it’s change now or change never. The idea of stagnating, of remaining this Andre for the rest of my life, that’s what I find truly depressing and shameful.”

That’s when he gets the call from the ATP that he failed the urine test – trace amounts of crystal methylene. He’s 27 years old. While in the hospital with Gil and his daughter, Kacey, he writes the letter to the ATP. “It’s a letter filled with lies interwoven with bits of truth..I say that I recently drank accidentally from one of Slim’s spiked sodas, unwittingly ingesting his drugs..I ask for understanding, and leniency, and hastily sign it: Sincerely. I sit with the letter on my lap, watching Kacey’s face. I feel ashamed, of course. I’ve always been a truthful person. When I lie, it’s almost always unknowingly, or to myself…I promise myself that at least this lie is the end of it. I’ll send the letter, but I won’t do anything more.”

He never does drugs again. Gil puts him on a strict training regimen. He plays in Challengers. He launches his charter school. Annual fundraiser – Grand Slam for Children. He goes to South Africa to meet Nelson Mandela, one of his heroes. Late 1997. He brings Brooke, J.P., and J.P.’s wife, Joni. “Looking out of the hut, over the vast savannah, watching storm clouds whirl along the horizon, J.P. and I agree this is one of those moments.”

1998 is going to be his year.

In April 1998 the ATP phones him and tells him his explanation of the failed drug test has been accepted. His failed test is thrown out. He’s not suspended. The matter is closed.

Entering the 1998 US Open, he’s #8 in the world. He plays Kucera in the round of 16. He gets irritated then clowns his way back into the match, then it’s held over for darkness. Brooke wakes him in the middle of the night – after out drinking with her actor friends. He loses the next day to Kucera. “He has more verve, more stamina. He outduels me in a tough fifth set.”

Brooke isn’t there for his academy groundbreaking. She’s not there at the Australian Open but calls him the night before a match and says they have to talk when he gets home. When he gets home they go for a drive and she tells him, “I’m not happy, she says. We’re not happy. We haven’t been happy for so very long. And I don’t know if we can ever be happy again if we stay together. So, there it is. That’s that.”

He gets kicked out of a tournament in San Jose for calling the linesman a cocksucker.

Brad and Gil are happy he’s done with Brooke. Brad tells him Steffi Graf is the one he should be with. Brad sets up a practice match with Steffi in Florida. “I’ve never seen a woman so beautiful. Standing still, she’s a goddess; in motion, she’s poetry.”

He wins the 1999 French Open – a hard fought 5 setter that he almost lost.

Steffi Graf wins the 1999 French Open on the woman’s side. Brad says: “It’s destiny you end up together. Only two people in the history of the world have won all four slams and a gold medal – you and Steffi Graf. The Golden Slam. It’s destiny that you two should be married.” He predicts they will be married by 2001 and have your first kids together in 2002.

At Wimbledon, Stefanie (what she likes to be called) loses in the finals to Lindsay Davenport.

She had to pull out of mixed doubles with John McEnroe (due to a bad hamstring) and in the locker room McEnroe says, “Can you believe this bitch? She asked to play mixed doubles with me and I fucking do it and then we’re in the semis and she backs out?”

Agassi is angry – “how dare Mac say those things about Stefanie.”

He starts out solid against Pete but then Pete starts making unreturnable serves. “I stare at Pete in shock. No one, living or dead, has ever served like that..He takes me out in straight sets.”

He wins the 1999 US Open against Martin.

He finishes 1999 at #1. “I snap Pete’s streak of six year-end finishes at #1.”

He wins the 2000 Australian Open against Kafelnikov. His 6th slam. He beat Pete to get to the finals there. “Two points from losing the match I mount a furious comeback. I win the match and become the first man since Laver to reach the final in four straight slams.”

Stefanie’s father comes to Vegas and meets Andre’s father. They show him the ball machine. The fathers end up almost fighting each other – fight over boxing.

He wins the 2001 Australian Open v Clement. His 7th slam. In 2001, Stefanie gets pregnant.

US Open 2001 he faces Pete in the quarter-finals. “From the moment we come out of the tunnel, we know this will be our fiercest battle ever. We just know. It’s the 32nd time we’ve played, he leads 17-14, and each of us wears an unusually grim game face. Right here, right now, this one will decide the rivalry. Winner take all.” Pete wins after 4 hard fought tie-break sets.

He and Stefanie get married in Oct 2001 at home in Las Vegas. 3 days before their son is due.

Brad Gilbert retires from coaching Agassi in early 2002 – after 8 years of coaching him. Andre is 32.

Darren Cahill starts coaching him. He changes his racket strings.

He makes it to the 2002 US Open finals against Pete. “As always, Pete.”

He remembers a time 2 years ago in Palm Springs when they were eating at Mama Gina’s and saw Pete eating with friends. “As Pete drove away I asked Brad how much he thought Pete tipped the valet. Brad hooted. Five bucks, tops. No way, I said. The guy’s got millions. He’s earned 40 mil in prize money alone.” They asked the valet, “How much did Mr. Sampras tip you? The kid looked at his feet. He didn’t want to tell…Shoot. He gave me a dollar…We could not be more different, Pete and I, and as I fall asleep the night before perhaps our final final, I vow that the world will see our differences tomorrow.”

Pete wins.

2003 Australian Open his 8th slam victory (against Rainer Schuettler from Germany). “It’s my best performance ever.”

In 2003, US Men’s Clay Court Championships, he beats Andy Roddick. He’s #1 already – the “perfect blend of caring and not caring, the best preparation.”

2003 US Open, “Pete announces his retirement. He stops several times during his news conference to collect himself. I find myself deeply affected as well. Our rivalry has been one of the lodestars of my career. Losing to Pete has caused me enormous pain, but in the long run it’s also made me more resilient. If I’d beaten Pete more often, or if he’d come along in a different generation, I’d have a better record, and I might go down as a better player, but I’d be less.”

Jaz Elle is born 10-3-03. She doesn’t sleep. He loses to Safin in the 2004 Australian Open semifinal.

2005 Australian Open – he meets Federer in the 4th round. “I can’t win a set. He dismisses me like a teacher with a dense pupil. He, more than any of the young guns taking control of the game, makes me feel my age. When I look at him, with his suave agility, his shot-making prowess and puma-like smoothness, I remember that I’ve been around since the days of wooden rackets.”

2005 US Open – he is 35 years old – he beats Blake to make it to the semi-finals. The 5-setter against Blake, “I’ve never been more intellectually aware.” He beats Robby Ginepri to make it to the finals against Federer. “Federer comes onto the court looking like Cary Grant.” Federer beats him in a tie break. “Most people have weaknesses. Federer has none.”

2006 Wimbledon is his last Wimbledon.

His 3rd round match is against Nadal. “He’s a brute, a freak, a force of nature, as strong and balletic a player as I’ve ever seen.”

2006 US Open is his last match. He wins 2nd round against Marcos Baghdatis but loses in the 3rd round. He gives his retirement speech. In the locker room everyone comes toward him. They clap, whistle, applaud. “Only one man remains apart, refusing to applaud. I see him in the corner of my eye. He’s leaning against a far wall with a blank look on his face and his arms tightly folded. Connors. He’s now coaching Roddick. Poor Andy.”

Acknowledgements last 2 paragraphs: “That’s my Daddy’s book, Jaden said in a voice I’d never heard him use for anything but Santa Clause and guitar hero.

“I hope he and his sister feel that same pride in this book ten years from now, and 30, and 60. It was written for them, but also to them. I hope it helps them avoid some of the traps I walked right into. More, I hope it will be one of many books that give them comfort, guidance, pleasure. I was late in discovering the magic of books. Of all my many mistakes that I want my children to avoid, I put that one near the top of the list.”

(more…) “Open: Autobiography of Andre Agassi”

The Light Between Oceans

by M.L. Stedman, 2012 (her first novel)

Page-turner, set in early 1900’s after WWI in Western Australia, on Janus Rock, an island 100 miles from the western coast of Australia. Tom Sherbourne, newly back from WWI, takes a job as the lighthouse keeper for Janus Rock. On the way there, he meets Isabel, a local girl from Point Partageuse. They fall in love and marry and move to Janus Rock – just the 2 of them on this lonely rock 100 miles out to sea. She loses 3 babies and all she wants is a baby. Two weeks after she loses the 3rd, a 7-month old boy, she hears a cry out to sea. So does Tom. It ends up being a baby girl in a dinghy with a dead man. Isabel thinks it is a miracle from God. Tom wants to report it but Isabel keeps begging him to wait a day. After 2 years, Lucy, what they name her, has totally captivated them. They get shore leave and at the church in Point Partageuse, they baptize her but learn of the tragic death of Frank and baby Grace who were trying to escape an unruly crowd bent on hurting Frank because he was German – actually Austrian though. They are overcome with guilt, especially Tom, and he writes a note to Hannah, the girl’s mother, that her baby is safe and loved and her husband Frank is at peace with God. Two years later, when Lucy is 4 years old, they have shore leave again. This time, Tom secretly delivers the silver rattle to Hannah. Because Bluey, one of the supply boat workers who make deliveries to Janus Rock every 6 months, recognizes the rattle as Lucy’s, and his Mom wants the 3000 guineas that Hannah’s Father is offering as a reward, Tom and Isabel are taken back from Janus Rock. Tom lies to save Isabel – he says it was all his idea. Isabel is so hurt and angry because Tom destroyed their life and Lucy was taken away from them. Lucy, now Grace, is so awfully miserable with her new/old mamma, Hannah, that everything seems like a terrible mistake. Tom stays true to Isabel and never tells the truth. He stays in jail in Port Partageuse. One of the police want to get him for murder, too, saying that Frank wasn’t dead when the dinghy came to shore on Janus Rock. But there are a few people, Ralph the supply boat captain, Bluey, Sergeant Knuckey, who really know Tom, and they keep things under control. Sergeant Knuckey lets Tom write a letter to Isabel, staying with her parents. She refuses to read it for the longest time. When she finally does, it’s a letter telling her how much he loves her, how sorry he is, and asking her to forgive him. She does – goes down to the police station in the pouring rain, and confesses all. Hannah agrees to reduce the charges so Tom only spends 3 months in jail. He and Isabel move 400 miles east and buy a farm on the coast. Lucy-Grace accepts her new mom, and then visits Tom after the birth of her son. Isabel had died one week earlier of cancer. Tom was with her to the end.

Beautiful, moving story. Neat setting.

Flight Behavior

by Barbara Kingsolver, 2012

Fictional account – Global warming causes the Monarch butterflies to migrate to Appalachia rather than Mexico. Dellarobia, young mother of two toddlers, living on a sheep farm with her husband and in-laws, hikes up the mountain behind her home to have a tryst but instead sees the millions of butterflies, so beautiful it floors her. She turns around and heads back down to her life. Religion, media, science all descend into her life. In the end, she decides to divorce her sweet husband, go to college. Pretty tedious book – Glad it’s over.

Beside A Burning Sea

by John Shors, 2008

Same author of Beneath a Marble Sky, his first novel. Mom liked this book but I thought it was terrible writing. The story is good but the writing, especially dialogue, was lame. Takes place during WWII on a tropical island. Survivors of Benevolence, a hospital ship blown up by Japanese, swim to the island, find it deserted, and set up camp. There is a traitor among them, Roger, an evil man who is actually responsible for the Japanese blowing up Benevolence. In the end, he is killed by Akira, the Japanese patient who has a loving heart and who saved Isabelle and Annie, 2 sisters who are nurses. Annie falls in love with Akira. He falls in love with her. Isabelle is married to Joshua, the ship’s captain, and their time on the island is a renewal of their love. They had drifted apart while on Benevolence – consumed by their many responsibilities. Jake and Ratu are 2 other survivors – both extremely lovable characters. Jake is a black man, engineer, who joined the war effort to help fight for freedom. Ratu is a young boy from Fiji, looking for his father – who is somewhere in the South Pacific helping the Americans. Beautiful setting – tropical island. But really lame dialogue. His next novel is set in Vietnam -modern day, “In the Footsteps of Dragons.”

The Round House

by Louise Erdrich, 2012 National Book Award Finalist

Page-Turner, Mystery, set in North Dakota on an Indian Reservation. Set in 1988 and lots of Star Trek, the Next Generation references because Joe and his buddies LOVE Star Trek, esp. Worf. Told through the eyes of 13 year old, Joe, Indian, only child of 2 wonderful parents, Geraldine and Bazil. Bazil is a Tribal Judge. A horrible crime (rape, attempted murder) happens to Geraldine, near the Round House – a sacred structure on the Indian Reservation. Geraldine is so traumatized by the crime that she escapes to her bedroom and won’t leave it for about 6 months. Joe and Bazil attempt to discover who did it – Geraldine knows but won’t tell. Joe and Bazil finally find out and it’s a white man – Linden Lark – evil twin of Linda – adopted at birth by Indian woman who worked in the hospital. Her real parents were going to leave her to die. Linda was an ugly child but so lovingly raised by her Indian family. Her evil twin was the one who raped and almost murdered Geraldine, Joe’s beloved mother. When he is locked up, she finally feels safe enough to tell all. She was actually trying to save Mayla and her baby who were in the Round House when Linden attacked Geraldine. Linden was in love with Mayla and jealous that the governor of S.D., Curtis Yeltow, had had an affair with her (only 17 years old) and gotten her pregnant. He had given her $40,000 to keep quiet about the baby. Joe had found the $40,000 in the lake inside a baby doll floating. He told his aunt, Sonja, former white stripper living with Whitey and helping run his gas station. Sonja takes Joe to all sorts of banks in N.D. and opens savings accounts with the money and makes him promise not to tell anyone about the money.

They could not prosecute Linden because Joe’s mom was not sure where exactly the rape occurred (sack over her had) and if it didn’t occur on Indian land, they could not prosecute him. So, he is let out of jail – no one can find Mayla. Joe decides he has to kill Linden himself so his mother no longer lives in fear. He learns with help of Cappy, his good friend, how to shoot and then shoots Linden while he was golfing early one morning, only he doesn’t kill him – he’s not a good shot but Cappy had his back, and shoots Linden in the head – kills him. Cappy and Joe are both sick (physically) over what they’ve done. They don’t get caught although Whitey knows, Linda knows, and Bazil and Geraldine are pretty sure. Rather than face the cops who are coming to Joe’s house to interrogate, Joe, Cappy, Zach and Angus take off in an old car to drive to Helena, Montana to see Zelia – Cappy’s Beautiful Love – whose parents have just written to Cappy telling him he will never have anything to do with her again “persecute you to the full axtent of the law…wracked our life.”

They drive and drink all night. Joe crawls into the back seat to sleep and buckles the seat belt around him because the buckle was digging into his hip. He wakes up when the car comes to rest after flying off the road and flipped and rolled. Zach and Angus are outside the vehicle are hurt but alive. Joe cannot find Cappy – and searches into “the deepest shadow I have ever known” and finds him – dead and gone. The book ends as Bazil and Geraldine have come and taken Joe home in silence, passing by the cafe they had always stopped at before for coffee, ice cream, pie and a newspaper. “But we did not stop this time. We passed over in a sweep of sorrow that would persist into our small forever. We just kept going.”

Beautiful, sad, tragic, full of rich details of Reservation life – funny characters – lovely characters.

Other books by Louise Erdrich: “Love Medicine,” “The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse,” and “The Plague of Doves,” which was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize. She doesn’t use quotation marks in her writing. In 2010, Obama signed into law, the Tribal Law and Order Act. She is a member of the Turtle Mountain Band of Chippewa.

Beneath a Marble Sky

by John Shors, 2004

Beautiful historical fiction about the Taj Mahal. An Emperor loses his beloved wife in childbirth and hires Isa, an architect, to build her a mausoleum that epitomizes her beauty. He uses her daughter, Jahanara, to be the model. They fall in love and have a daughter (Arjumand). It is a clandestine love affair because Jahanara was married to an odious man, Khondamer. The emperor loves his daughter, Jahanara, so much that he arranges for her to help Isa with the building of the Taj Mahal. He tells her of a secret passage from the bedroom of the Red Fort to a house in Agra and arranges for Isa to buy that house and for Jahanara to sleep in the bedroom. (17th Century Hindustan) The Emperor also has 2 sons – one is Dara – the oldest – who is a peace lover and wants to keep Hindus and Muslims friendly; to co-exist. The other – Aurangzeb – an evil black-hearted war monger – who ends up the Emperor – kills his brother, Dara, and pretty much destroys the Empire with his evil ways. Throughout it all, Jahanara has 2 friends that help her all her life – Ladli and Nizam. Isa, Jahanara, Arjumand, Ladli and Nizam end up living by the sea near Calcutta. Beautiful book – want to see Taj Mahal. “I had never seen such beauty, not even in Allah’s best gardens. For these flowers weren’t of water and light, but of semiprecious stones. They were infinitely more colorful than the rings of a rainbow, or the hues of a sunset.”

Gone with the Wind

by Margaret Mitchell, 1936

North Georgia, Civil War, Scarlett O’Hara, 16 year-old belle of the county, 18″ waist, steals everyone’s boyfriends but not the one she “loves,” Ashley Wilkes. Melanie marries Ashley. So Scarlett marries Charles Hamilton (Melanie’s brother). Civil War starts – Charlie dies 3 months later (not in battle; got sick in camp). Scarlett pregnant, has Wade. Is depressed. Dear Mother sends her and Mammy to Atlanta to live with Melanie and Aunt Pitty-Pat. Ashley is away at war. Rhett Butler, 35 yrs. old, handsome, rich, Blockade runner, recognizes Scarlett for exactly what she is. Loves her and wants her but bides his time, waiting her to fall out of love with Ashley Wilkes. She doesn’t until it is too late. She realizes after Melly dies, and she could have Ashley, that she loved an idea – not the real man – and then she realizes the real man she loves is Rhett Butler. She runs to him in their home where they lost beloved Bonnie, their daughter whom Rhett loved, adored, who died at 4 years old when he bought her a pony, taught it to jump, and she wanted the bar raised, so he raised it, and it threw her when it jumped. After that, Rhett’s love for Scarlett died. They have a heart-to-heart (finally) the night Melanie dies when Scarlett realizes how much she loved Melly and Rhett. But Rhett tells her it’s too late.

Scarlett, “Oh, my darling, if you go, what shall I do?” … He drew a short breath and said lightly but softly: “My dear, I don’t give a damn.” … “I won’t think of it now,” she thought grimly, summoning up her old charm. “I’ll go crazy if I think about losing him now. I’ll think of it tomorrow.” … “I’ll — why, I’ll go home to Tara tomorrow,” and her spirits lifted faintly… “I’ll think of it all tomorrow, at Tara. I can stand it then. Tomorrow, I’ll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is another day.” (Last sentence of book, 959 pages.)

Great Book – FANTASTIC! Much about Civil War, Slavery, Yankees, Reconstruction, Atlanta, Georgia and Southern Society, Carpetbaggers, Scalawags, Republicans. Book won the Pulitzer Prize in 1937. Margaret Mitchell said, “If the novel has a theme it is that of survival … It happens in every upheaval. Some people survive; others don’t …So I wrote about people who had gumption and people who didn’t.”

Melanie loved Scarlett through thick and thin and stood by her even when told by others she loved that Scarlett was having an affair with Ashley. (They kissed once, they hugged once, and then 10 years later, they hugged again in Scarlett’s lumber mill that she let Ashley run – they were reminiscing about the old plantation days and got sad and Scarlett cried and they hugged – no passion – and Ashley’s sister India Wilkes, who hated Scarlett, saw them. Told Melanie, Rhett, the whole town.) Melanie refused to believe it – she stood by Scarlett and faced down the whole town. The whole town loves Melanie – she was the sweetest angel who ever lived. The night she died, Scarlett realizes everything – how she loved Melanie, how she didn’t love Ashley, and how she loved Rhett.

Melanie told Scarlett on her death bed – “Captain Butler – be kind to him. He — loves you so.”

GREAT, GREAT book! Rhett, Scarlett, Melanie and all the other interesting characters (Mammy; the black lady who was with Ellen (Scarlett’s Mom) then Scarlett, then Bonnie Blue – then went back to Tara after Bonnie died). The places – Tara, Atlanta, The War – what a losing battle from the start and Rhett knew it. LOVED IT!

Jonah 2:8 Those (Scarlett) who cling to worthless idols (Ashley Wilkes) forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

Lady Chatterley’s Lover

by D. H. Lawrence, the unexpurgated text privately printed in Italy, 1928

The story of a young woman, Connie, married to an aristocrat, Clifford Chatterley, who is crippled from the war. He is prideful, selfish, fearful, small-minded, and wears her down. She seeks solace in the woods and falls in love with the gamekeeper, Mr. Mellors. They have a passionate love affair, she gets pregnant, and they decide to marry. Because they are from 2 different classes, this is very, very difficult. The book ends with them living in different parts of England – waiting it out until they can be together – and a long, long letter Mellors writes to Connie – hopeful and lucid.

Great book! I can see why it was obscene and banned. He goes into detail about their love – not dirty in any way although he uses the F word as a description of their passion, and the C word as a compliment to Connie’s womanhood. Mostly it is a book against the ugliness of industrialism (Colliers = coal miners – how Clifford makes money) and the class system – why they both are so bad.

The Hobbit

by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1937, 1938, 1966

  1. Gandalf and the 13 dwarves come to the Shire and recruit Bilbo to go on their adventure to recover their gold and treasure from Smaug, the Dragon in the Lonely Mountain.
  2. Three trolls almost ate them but Gandalf appeared and saved them by mimicking their voices and keeping them arguing until sunrise when they turned to stone forever. They got swords and plunder.
  3. Rivendell and Elrond
  4. Into the Misty Mountains, terrible storm, shelter in cave, grabbed by goblins and pulled into the Mines of Moria. Gandalf kills the Great Goblin and they escape temporarily but the goblins sneak up and kidnap them. Bilbo gets knocked out and when he wakes up, he is alone in the dark and finds the ring. Then Gollum, then the riddle game. Last riddle, “What have I got in my pocket?” Gollum can’t guess and is going to get his ring and realizes it is lost and Bilbo has it. Bilbo discovers the ring makes him invisible and he follows Gollum to the exit–the back-door– and escapes through it before the goblins can close it on him.
  5. Bilbo finds the dwarves and Gandalf and they go as far as they can before dark – climb trees – Wargs and goblins surround them and are going to burn them. Eagles come and rescue them.
  6. Gandalf takes them to Beorn – the skin-changer – and he takes care of them.
  7. Gandalf leaves them at the entrance of Mirkwood. Don’t leave the path. When they are almost through they leave the path trying to beg the wood elves for food. They are taken prisoner by the wood elves. Bilbo uses the ring. They escape in barrels on the river.
  8. The Lake Men take care of them and take them to the foot of the Lonely Mountain.
  9. They find the secret door into the mountain. Bilbo sneaks down a long passageway and sees Smaug asleep on immense treasure. He steals a golden cup and brings it back to the cowardly dwarves. Smaug wakes up and goes on a rampage because he notices the cup is missing. They hide in the passageway right before Smaug destroys the outside of the mountain there. The next day Bilbo is sent down to see if Smaug is back on the treasure. He was and pretended to be asleep. Bilbo and Smaug go into a riddle game. Bilbo says he is a barrel-rider. That made the dragon go to Lake Town and destroy it except Bard saved the townspeople and killed Smaug by saving his last arrow for the unprotected part of Smaug’s chest.
  10. While Smaug is away destroying Lake-Town, Bilbo and the dwarves are stuck in the tunnel not knowing if Smaug is with the treasure. Bilbo goes to the treasure alone and finds the Arkenstone and hides it in his deepest pocket although he knows Thorin wants it more than anything. The Dwarves investigate the treasure once they are assured Smaug is not there, and Thorin is overcome with gold lust. They make their way to a rock chamber on the side of the mountain to wait for Smaug to return.
  11. The thrush and a raven tell them that Smaug is dead and that Lake-men and Elves are on their way to see the treasure and they ought to share some with them and make peace. Thorin refuses and they rush back to the mountain and build a wall to block the entrance. Bard and elves come to Thorin to make peace – and to ask for some share of the treasure since they killed Smaug but in the process, their town is destroyed. Thorin refuses! Sends word by raven to Dain, son of Thain, to come to the Lonely Mountain and defend the treasure. 500 Dwarves are on their way and still the men ask for some recompense and still Thorin refuses.
  12. Bilbo sneaks out and meets with Bard and the Elven-king and gives Bard the Arkenstone. Bard uses that as a bargaining tool and Bilbo tells Thorin that Bilbo gave him the Arkenstone and Thorin banishes Bilbo cruelly, agrees to Bard’s terms – a portion of the hoard for the Arkenstone. Bard will return in a day with the stone, for his share of treasure.
  13. Then Dain and his 500 dwarves appear. When war is about to start, the goblins and a huge army approach form the north. Dwarves, men, Elves, and Gandalf fight a terrible battle against the goblins. Eventually win with the help of Beorn (as a giant bear) and eagles. Thorin asks Bilbo for forgiveness and dies from his battle wounds. Also, Fili and Kili. The men and elves get treasure from Dain. Bilbo and Gandalf return to the Shire.

The movie, The Hobbit – saw it 1/5/13 with Mom. 3 hours long. Battles with Orcs. Really disappointing! Too much battle! Part 1 of 3. Here is a review of the movie, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. “High fantasy, 2 [maybe 2.5, can’t tell] stars out of 4, PG-13. The first in Peter Jackson’s “Hobbit” trilogy has everything you want in a J.R.R. Tolkien-based fantasy adventure and more. Too much more. Whiz-bang technology as well as excessive battle sequences make this return to Middle-earth less exhilarating than exhausting. Recounting quest of hobbit Bilbo Baggins and 13 dwarves, Jackson has not outdone himself so much as indulged himself. There are glimmers of less-muddled magic to come: Martin Freeman makes an amiable, honorable Bilbo, and Ian McKellen continues to cast a wizardly spell as Gandalf the Gray. At area theaters in 2D, 3D and IMAX. (Kennedy) 169 minutes.”

A Redbird Christmas

by Fannie Flagg, 2004 (Fried Green Tomatoes)

Sweet little book about life and love in a small town in southern Alabama called Lost River. Their mail comes by boat. A Redbird is shot by 2 boys and Roy, the Grocer, nurses it to health. It can’t fly so he keeps it in the grocery store. The whole town loves this bird – called Jack. A little girl, Patsy, who is almost crippled grows to love the bird. She is abandoned and adopted by Frances. Through the love of the townspeople, they are able to raise enough money for an operation to cure her. Jack died the day before she goes to Atlanta for surgery. They decide to not tell her and then, while she is in the hospital, they send her a letter that says a veterinarian cured Jack and he flew off into the wild. Her wish for Christmas is to see him. She waits outside all day but never sees him. Everyone’s hearts are broken. The next day the whole town wakes up to snow and huge flocks of Redbirds everywhere! One of them flew up to her window and winked at her.

The other character is Oswald T. Campbell who is 53 years old and living in Chicago, dying of emphysema and an alcoholic. He moves to Lost River on the advice of his doctor and finds peace, health, joy, and love. He marries Frances. He becomes a great painter.

From Here to Eternity

by James Jones, 1951

1951 “This book is a work of fiction. The characters are imaginary, and any resemblance to actual persons is accidental. However, certain of the Stockade scenes did happen. They did not happen at the Schofield Barracks Post Stockade but at a post within the United States at which the author served, and they are true scenes of which the author had first-hand knowledge and personal experience.”

1941 Hawaii US Army right before and after Pearl Harbor. 850 pages. Main characters are Robert E. Lee Prewitt and Milton Warden. Both are unforgettable. Prew is the young soldier who was the best bugler in the Army but transfers out of the Bugle Corps because of asinine higher-up. He transfers to G Company where Milt Warden is the first sergeant. The Company Commander, Dana Holmes, wants Prew to be on the boxing team but Prew almost killed a man boxing and promised his dying mother he wouldn’t hurt anyone, so refuses to join the boxing team. Holmes makes it really rough on him – SO UNFAIR – and finally gets him wrongly convicted of assaulting a higher up and sent to the Stockade.

The Stockade is the most brutal part of the book. Sadistic guard named Fatso actually tortures a prisoner to death. The Black Hole is where they send prisoners who disobey. No light, sleep on bars strung over chains, can’t stand erect. Bread and water 3 times a day.

Prew’s friend, Maggio, was sent to the Black Hole 5 times. The last time for assaulting a guard – all part of his plan – to get out on a Section 8. It worked, may have maimed him for life, but it worked.

When Prew gets out of the Stockade, he waits 9 days, and then attacks Fatso after he left his bar hangout. He kills Fatso with a knife but not before Fatso injures him with his own knife. He can’t go back to base with his injury so goes to his lover, Lorene’s, and she and Georgette nurse him back to health. He is AWOL though and cannot go back because it would mean the stockade again.

While convalescing, the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor. He is sleep and didn’t hear a thing. When he wakes up and finds out, he could have gone back that day but he doesn’t know the prisoners have been set free and there is no stockade. He waits 2 weeks after Pearl Harbor and then decides to report for duty. On his way, MP’s stop him, he makes a run for it, and they shoot him! Dead! So incredibly tragic.

Milt Warden, his first sergeant, has the other story line – he falls in love with Karen Holmes, the company commander’s wife.

Their love affair is rocky and rough.

He’s a good man, a good leader, one of the very few.

I can see now why men hate the Army – led by imbeciles at best; cruel malicious monsters at worst, it ruins good men – young boys.

The book is full of day-to-day Army life – hard, boring work, for $30/month – drink, gamble, whore around on free time. Sometimes go crazy and end up in the Stockade. A few experiences, like playing guitars, talking, singing with buddies that are the true good men. So few and far between.

The Purpose of Christmas

by Rick Warren, 2008

“Let me blunt: you are the source of most of your problems. Even when other people cause you problems, your natural response often makes them worse…The middle letter of sin is I, and whenever I place myself at the center of my life, I sin…Sin is our greatest problem, and it is universal…This attitude of prideful self-will causes you to be disconnected from God and feel distant from Him. This focus on self is why you feel that God is a million miles away and that your prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling. If you feel far from God, guess who moved? God didn’t.” …”Our disconnectedness from God, which is due to our stubborn sinfulness, is the source of every single human problem on earth. On a personal level it causes worry, fear, anxiety, confusion, depression, conflict, discouragement, and emptiness. It causes us to act in ways that create guilt, shame, resentment, and regret…On a global level, we see the effect of sin all around us: war, injustice, corruption, prejudice, poverty, sex trafficking, and all our other social problems. Even many diseases are caused by our refusal to live by God’s standards for healthy living. Who can save us? Not government. Not business. Not academics. These can only deal with the visible symptoms and results of sin. But any lasting solution must start in the heart, and only God can transform hearts.

Salvation is Freedom

-Jesus frees us from Guilt over the past.

-Jesus frees us from bitterness and resentment…

“We can’t control what others do to us, but we can choose how we respond. Resentment is a cancer of your emotions. Unless you allow Jesus to free you from it, it will eventually destroy your happiness.”

-Jesus frees us from the expectations of others. “Constantly worrying about what other people think about you is a dangerous trap.”

“When The Purpose Driven Life became well known, I became a target of mean-spirited critics.”

He and John Stott were co-preaching and afterwards, John asked him to write the foreword for Basic Christianity…His love for me… “gave me the confidence to ignore the disapproval of people who didn’t know me.”

“Affirmation from others is encouraging, but feeling deeply loved and chosen by God is far greater!”

-Jesus frees us from addictive habits. God never intended you to go through life on your own power…He wants you to trust Him and depend on Him. That’s why He allows problems…that you have no possible chance of solving on your own…He’s been waiting for you to stop trying and start trusting.

-Jesus frees us from the fear of death. Jesus came to save you for a purpose. Acts 13:36 is his life verse: David served God’s purpose in his generation, then he died. “This phrase, “he served God’s purpose in his generation,” is the ultimate definition of a life well lived.”

“Nothing compares to the thrill of being used by God for a great purpose. It is the deepest longing in your heart, and no other experience can take the place of it. It is why you were created.”

Everyone lives at 1 of 3 levels: survival, success, or significance. Most of the world lives at the survival level…If you live in the United States, you live at the success level, even if you feel poor. Most of the world would love to have our problems. but success doesn’t satisfy…You were created for significance…Significance comes from service–giving your life away for a purpose greater than yourself.”

-Grace: “Religion is man’s attempt to please God. Grace is God reaching down to man…” When Jesus died for you on the cross, he exclaimed, “It is finished!” It is extremely important to note that Jesus didn’t say, “I am finished,” because he wasn’t!…The phrase “it is finished” is actually a single word in Hebrew that Jesus cried out. It was stamped on bills that had been paid off and on prison sentences that had been completed. It meant “paid in full!””

…no man or woman will ever love you as completely and deeply as Jesus does. His death for you proves it…

You may be looking for a Savior in the wrong places: If I could just find the right man or woman, everything would be great. If I had a certain job or got a promotion or had a baby or attained a certain level of wealth, then I’d feel peaceful and fulfilled. If only I could achieve a beautiful body, impress the right people, own the right things, or escape to Tahiti, then my emptiness would be filled.

The answer is not in a place, a program, or a pill. The answer is a Person. It’s Jesus. What you’re missing is a relationship with the One who created you so He could love you. 2 Peter 1:3 “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life…”

FAITH: Hebrews 11:6 “Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” “Faith makes God smile.” Like a parent with a child, “God wants you to learn to trust Him.” Lifeguard analogy – “A person can’t be saved until he gives up trying to save himself.”

“Consider this: if it were possible for you to save yourself and you didn’t really need a Savior, God would not have wasted the enormous energy, effort, and pain to send one. If there were any other way, don’t you think Jesus would have chosen it instead of suffering [God’s wrath] on a cross?”

RECONCILIATION is the restoration of peace. “Peace with God, peace with others, and peace in your own heart. (During the past 5,560 years there have been nearly 15,000 wars…As I write this (2007?) there are 32 large and small wars going on in the world.”

Understand the causes of conflict:

  1. Our natural self-centeredness (pride)
  2. Expecting others to meet needs that only God can meet. “We make demands of others instead of looking to God. So many people get married with unrealistic expectations and then divorce. No human being can fully meet all your needs. That’s a job for God.” … “If you prayed as much as you complain and quarrel, you’d have a lot less to argue about and much more peace of mind.”

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks.”

“Jesus came at Christmas to bring us three kinds of peace:

Peace with God

The Peace of God

Peace with others”

Jesus offers you Peace with God: “…if you’re trying to live your way instead of God’s way, you’re in conflict with God…The symptoms of being at war with God are easy to spot: irritability, a quick temper, insecurity, impatience, manipulation, arrogance and boasting, holding grudges, and many other attitudes and habits that the Bible calls the “works of the flesh.”

The effects of being reconciled to God are the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

…Peace comes from surrender – total, unconditional surrender to God. You admit that God is God and you are not! You give up the ridiculous notion that you know what’s best for you and what will make you happy than your Creator does. You give up the rebellious attitude that you can pick and choose which of God’s rules you’ll follow and which ones you’ll ignore.”

Jesus offers you the Peace of God: “…The more you pray, the less you’ll panic. The more you worship, the less you worry…The path to the peace of God comes through living and enjoying one day at a time, accepting what cannot be changed instead of worrying about it, trusting in God’s loving care and wisdom, and surrendering to His purpose and plan for your life.” Matthew 11:28-29 “Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest…”

Jesus shows you how to make peace with others: Blessed are the peacemakers… “To work for peace means you actively seek to end conflicts, you take the initiative in promoting reconciliation when relationships break down, and you offer forgiveness to those who have hurt you.” …”reconciliation is not the same as resolution. Reconciliation ends hostility. It doesn’t mean you’ve resolved all the problems in the relationship. You continue to talk about the issues and work on them, but now you do it with respect and love instead of sarcasm and anger…Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. Always focus on reconciliation first.”

Forgiveness – forgive so we can get on with our lives instead of getting stuck in the past due to resentment and bitterness…resentment is self-destructive because it always hurts you most, and it prolongs your pain…You need it let it go.”

www.thepeaceplan.com – Rick Warren launched in 2004: Promoting reconciliation, Equipping leaders, Assisting the poor, Caring for the sick, and Educating the next generation.

Dog On It

by Spencer Quinn, 2009

GREAT MYSTERY! Chet the Dog and Bernie the Private I find Madison, the 15 yr. old kidnapped by Russian gangsters because her Dad got involved in shady financing. The story is told by Chet, the dog. It’s so funny and cute and enlightening about what dogs think about things – like cats, birds, people, other dogs, food, treats, etc. They (Chet and Bernie) are partners and I fell in love with both of them. Set in Arizona – Bernie loves it and hates what is happening to it – water waste especially. Couldn’t put it down. Suspenseful, funny, non-stop action. Really good book. Nord loaned it to me. Couldn’t put it down but didn’t want it to end. Next book in series is “Thereby Hangs a Tail.” Maybe — next one at Library is “To Fetch a Thief.”

How to Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie, 1936

Wonderful book on Human Relations, full of vignettes emphasizing his points. Loved the historical early 20th Century times and lots of Lincoln quotes and stories. First part of book is best:

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain: “Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Approbation = approval; commendation
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. (One example was of a little girl who wouldn’t eat breakfast. When her mother had her help make breakfast, she ate 2 helpings of cereal!)

Part 2: Six ways to make people like you

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. A person’s name is the sweetest sound.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  1. Avoid an argument.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately (using questions).
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers (inviting the doctor to look over X-ray equipment and make suggestions for improvement.)
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other’s point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas (cash register salesman threw pennies on the floor of the grocery store).
  12. Throw down a challenge: “It’ll take a big person to go up there and stay” when needing a warden for Sing-Sing Prison.

Part 4: Be a Leader: How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. The bank teller who couldn’t balance out at the end of the day. Everything else was great. Praised her for being great with customers then reviewed close-out procedures with her showing confidence in her.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Minister’s wife on husband’s sermon – “This would make an excellent article.” He tore up his manuscript and preached without notes.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes first before criticizing the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. “Is there anything we can do to handle this order?”
  5. Let the other person save face; don’t destroy a person’s ego. “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes.”
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to: 4th grade teacher to known trouble-maker, “Tommy, I understand you are a natural leader. I’m going to depend on you to help me make this class the best class in the 4th grade this year.” Then complimented him on everything he did.
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Son was 2 grades behind and labeled ‘slow.’ Dad used flash cards in math. After one month of working nightly, he was able to get all right in under 8 minutes! They praised and “danced a jig” at every improvement. Went on to become an honor student.
  9. Make the person happy about doing the thing you suggest: Paid his son to pick up pears – deducted pay for those missed.

A Place on Earth

by Wendell Berry, 2012

Twenty stories of the Port William membership. Beautiful stories of the love between farmers and their land; their hard, endless work; the way they help each other with their work and their grief; and the joy and love they share in their community. Days long gone now.

Wayne’s favorite is Burley Coulter. When his brother’s boy died in the war (whom Burley pretty much raised since Jarrat was incapable after their mother’s death) Burley just came over every evening and sat with his brother and shared his grief. He was just there for him.

I like this line in the story about the preacher’s wife, a desirable woman, “They had never expected to live independently of the weather or to be free of hardship and struggle.” (Talking about farmers’ lives.)

A funny line in the story of Burley’s long night hunting “The Dark Country.” “He imagines that the dogs have lunched on fresh meat in the lags after treeing, but he doesn’t think it right to eat in front of them without offering them something. Having seen no sign that dogs can count, he gives them a biscuit a piece and keeps the other four for himself.”

Art Rowanberry to Andy, “Do you need anything I got?”

“Arthur, the ‘meanest’ or ‘hardest’ of the Ritis brothers.”

Beautiful stories! Beautifully written! Take you to a place full of life and love, warmth, joy, sorrow, hard work, good work, satisfying work. Pride in the land, lots of love and loyalty and care. NICE! 🙂

Into the Blue

by Robert Goddard, 1990 (Nord’s book)

Intriguing mystery. Starts out on the Greek Isle of Rhodes. Harry Barnett, middle-aged, over-weight, is hiking with Heather Mallender, young girl (20’s), visiting from England, trying to recover from her sister’s death. She wants to go to the top of Profitis Ilias but Harry doesn’t. She goes on, he sits and smokes and worries. She never comes back. Then starts the search by Harry using 14 pictures she took and was having developed which Harry picked up. Takes him back to England where he meets one after another person. He finally finds Heather, hiding in Athens with a friend. It leads him to his friend, Alan Dysart-the rich, handsome, Government minister, who has taken care of Harry pretty much since Harry hired him at his garage when Alan was 20.

Turns out Alan was a homosexual, with a secret, and to keep it secret, had murdered 2 people, tried to murder a 3rd, and was after Heather. The person he tried to murder but failed, but left mentally scarred and physically maimed (brakes failed) end up killing him with a rake while Harry can only watch. Alan’s secret is his parents, the wealthy Dysart’s, adopted him and made him the replacement of their own son who died. Alan found out his real parents were murderers and that was his deep, dark secret which he had to kill people who found out. Harry saved Alan when his mother left him on the railroad tracks in a box.

Was a good page-turner, lots of interesting characters. I had a feeling it was Alan Dysart about 1/2 way through. Harry Barnett was a real likable, good man. He drinks a lot – English.

Started and read this book in Hawaii. Fond memories.

The African Queen

by C.S. Forester (Hornblower author), 1935

Rose and Allnutt, 2 English people in Africa, decide to take the African Queen down a river, the Ulanga River, full of rapids, and blow up a German ship on the lake to help the war effort. They get down the rapids alive – Rose steers and Allnut mans the engines. They make a torpedo – or a couple of them. They are aiming for the ship when a freak storm sinks the African Queen. They are rescued by the Germans – handed over to the English Navy and then the English Navy sink the German ship. Rose and Allnutt go off together to get married.

The American Pit Bull Terrier Handbook

by Joe Stahlkuppe, 2000

“Gameness requires that they never give up.”

Great book about APBT – History of the breed and everything you need to know about the APBT.

Dog-Aggressive but not human-aggressive.

“Avoid places where dogs are allowed to run free.”

“Never let your APBT fight or even mock-fight with other dogs.”

“To an APBT, and to similar dog breeds and types, fighting can be like alcohol is to an alcoholic or drugs to an addict. Temperance is always recommended, and abstinence is desired; wise dog owners will strive to keep their APBTs out of situations where fighting is a possibility.”

The Casual Vacancy

by J.K. Rowling, 2012

Harry Potter author’s 1st adult novel

Barry Fairbrother dies of a brain anyeurism and leaves a “casual vacancy” on the Pagford Parish Council. The town members are pretty despicable and this was a pretty depressing book.

Rowling “is the founder of Lumos, which works to transform the lives of disadvantaged children.”

Maybe she wrote it to get people thinking about their dirty secrets, their prejudices, their ugliness that destroys innocent lives – maybe we need to live the golden rule – and prevent the ugliness that happens when we don’t.