by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., 2011
Danette recommended this book. It’s from a podcast that she and Adam listen to. They already own the book. They’re using the concepts as they raise Eliya. When she falls down and gets hurt and cries, they say, “That must have hurt,” rather than, “You’re okay.” I realized how often I say “You’re okay” when a child gets hurt – “you’re okay, you’re okay.” That totally negates their feelings and probably confuses the hell out of them, because they are not okay. This book is all about integrating the child’s brain: Left with Right, Upstairs with Downstairs, Memories, Me with We. Naming their pain, or their feeling, and then, once they are heard and understood, moving on to the teachable moment, or whatever can help them integrate. Good stuff, but not easy or intrinsic. I would need to review the book again and again until I got it down.
Also, I read this book immediately after reading Cobalt Red, in which is described children as young as 6 working in open-pit Cobalt mines from dawn to dusk. And young mothers with infants strapped to their backs, their heads lolling back and forth, as their mothers dig all day in the hot sun for cobalt. The contrast between our first world country, wanting to optimize our children’s brains to the ‘nth’ degree; while across the ocean in Africa, children’s brains and bodies are traumatized daily with so much brutality, oppression and injustice.
Adam suggested this book. It’s about mining for cobalt in the Congo. It is unbelievably heart-breaking. The injustice, the oppression, the evil that is taking place is so awful. I had no idea. China and the major companies that use lithium-ion batteries, of which cobalt is one of the major ingredients, must stop this and re-build, renew, save these poor people. They work all day in the most brutal, horrible conditions, in order to earn a measly $1/day. They work in tunnels and when the tunnels collapse, they are buried alive. No one hears about it because no one can even check things out; armed men patrol all of the mines and the depots where cobalt is sold. Up until the election of Felix Tshisekedi in 2019, all of the African leaders after independence from King Leopold II of Belgium, were just as evil and exploited the people for their own gain. These were Mobutu Sese Seko (1965-1997), Laurent-Desire Kabila (1997-2001), Joseph Kabila (Laurent’s son) (2001-2019). It is hopeful that Felix Tshisekedi is working to better the conditions for his poor exploited people.
Young mothers with infants strapped to their backs work the mines all day, for less than a dollar a day. They and their babies breathe in the toxic dust. Young girls and boys also work in the mines because their families can no longer afford the $6 a month to pay for their educations. This is after the mining companies force the families to move out of their villages, then cut down all the trees, and then build huge open-pit mines.
It is an outrage. Praying to God for His justice to roll down like waters, His righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. God please save these poor people, these poor oppressed people.
The companies like Tesla, Apple, Samsung, Daimler all have statements that say they do not use cobalt mined by children, but what this book shows (because this author took the time to go investigate at risk of his own life), there is no way you can say that you are using cobalt that was not mined by children. All of the cobalt gets into the bottom of the supply chain and is mixed together. And, this mining by children and adults, which is called artisanal mining is everywhere in the Congo. Thousands upon thousands of Congolese working in the most hellish conditions from dawn to dusk, for the tiniest bit of money. The mining kills them. This must stop! China and the rich companies need to give these people schools and free education for all of the children, hospitals and clinics, clean water, electricity, sewers, parks, trees, gardens, clean up their water and their air, give the miners safety equipment, reinforce the tunnels, pump in air so they can breathe, on and on and on. It is an absolute outrage that this is happening! God, please make it stop! Help these poor, poor people, especially the children!
From World Vision’s website – 10 worst countries to be a child:
Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC)
In the eastern DRC, spikes in violence are a continual threat, especially against children. The United Nations reports that children are being recruited and armed, which is a grave violation of international law. In South Kivu, thousands have been displaced, and millions of children face increased risks of exploitation, trauma, hunger, and disease outbreaks. The ongoing challenges include:
Over 15 million children live in instability.
A deadly cholera epidemic has spread across six provinces, with more than 18,000 cases and 364 deaths reported since January 2025.
Flooding and unsafe water increase the threat of illness
In mining provinces like Lualaba and Haut-Katanga, child labor is widespread. Tens of thousands of children work in cobalt and copper extraction.
In towns like Kakanda, children as young as 6 work to support their families by selling food on the streets, carrying water, or caring for younger siblings. Children like the young girl shown above dig through toxic rubble with their bare hands, hoping to earn enough for a meal. Without safety gear, they risk injury, illness, or even death. Eleven-year-old Chantal* (not pictured) began working in the mines at age 9 after her father died. “I haven’t been to school in three months,” says Chantal*, who cooks and cleans for her family instead of attending class. “Sometimes I was so tired I’d fall asleep on the ground, right among the rocks,” she says.
Though Congolese law prohibits underage labor in mining, extreme poverty forces many families to rely on income from their children. Most earn less than $2 a day.
Adam recommended this book. It’s by the author of The Emerald Mile, the book about Kenton Grua’s fastest run down the Colorado in 1983 in a wooden dory named after a stand of Redwood trees that were partially clear-cut. That was an excellent book. This one is even better. Kevin Fedarko’s writing is honest, humble, and the details he provides make you feel like you are there. This book is a great work of art, like the canyon itself. He and his friend and photographer/journalist, Pete McBride, decide to do a “through-hike” of the Grand Canyon, which is about a 750-mile slog through dangerous no-man’s lands, along the rim, half-way up the sides of the canyon, sometimes along the river, sometimes on the south rim, other times on the north rim, up and down slot canyons, scrambling under Tamarisks, in extreme heat, extreme cold.
The first leg they do is “off the couch” and they last 6 days and go home in shame, about dead. They didn’t bother to train. Kevin didn’t bother to open any of the boxes of supplies that were shipped to them. They brought all of the boxes unopened and when they got to their remote starting point, they opened them and haphazardly packed what they thought they would want/need. They ended up with packs that weighed 58 lbs. The experts they were tagging along with were very kind but very leery. After 6 days of unbelievable hardship, they had to be rescued, and the 4 experts had to make up lots of time to stay on track for their own through-hike. Kevin and Pete were never going back again, but these experts had friends that swooped in, showed Kevin and Pete how to do this, and then went with them for the next leg. That was a completely different experience. Kevin and Pete had been humbled and they were much better prepared this time.
Ben and Lola gave this book to Wayne for me to read when he was over there telling them about the sidewalk replacement that was going to happen. They both loved this book and wanted me to read it. They said it was “uplifting” and “heartwarming.” I loved it! It was uplifting and heartwarming!
It’s about an 87 year-old man named Theo who moves to Golden, a university town by the Oxbow River in America’s southeast. He is a mystery. He loves good coffee and there is a coffee shop near his hotel called The Chalice. On the walls of this coffee shop are hand-drawn portraits of customers – 92 of them – that are incredible; the way the artist was able to render emotions in their eyes and faces. Theo marvels at them, and the low price of each, only $125, and the fact that they aren’t flying off the walls. He works with Shep, the owner of the coffee shop, and he begins purchasing the portraits and writing letters to the subjects, one-by-one, and meeting them at the fountain, on a bench, ‘he is the extraordinarily handsome older gentleman with a green flat cap.”
Theo is very loving and kind. He befriends all of the people he meets, and helps them out. It seems money is no object for him. He moves from the hotel to a beautiful 3rd floor apartment in the Ponder Building. I love the description of this beautiful apartment. Theo has no trouble walking up 3 flights of stairs to get to it. He ends up spending a year in this apartment, becoming friends with many people.
Asher – the artist who draws the portraits. He is a kind and loving man to all. Asher’s niece, Minnette, whose father is a brute – all he cares about is money. Minnette can never please her father, but Asher is her uncle and he shows her what love is. Minnette’s portrait is the first portrait Theo purchases and the first person he writes to and invites to meet him on the bench at the fountain. Minnette and her husband decide to come to the fountain together, because, honestly, both she and her husband are suspicious. They get separated and Minnette goes ahead and meets with Theo on her own. Her husband sees them talking together and watches from a distance. All is well and they become beloved friends of Theo’s, and Theo’s kindness changes them. This story is repeated with each portrait recipient. Each one is invited to come and meet Theo and receive a gift. There is Ellen – the homeless woman who rides her bike around town and sometimes sleeps at the Mission, and sometimes sleeps who knows where. There is Tony – the bookseller, who owns a messy book store and is a smart-alec. There is Simone, a brilliant cellist who walks to class with his cello on his back. There is Kendrick and his daughter Lamisha. Lamisha is severely injured and her mother (Kendrick’s wife) is killed when another driver falls asleep at the wheel and runs into them. Kendrick is a night janitor. Lamisha is often undergoing surgery on her leg and Kendrick and his mother take turns being with her – Kendrick during the day, his mother during the night. Sometimes they stay in the hospital so they are always there with Lamisha. When Theo finds out the story, he hires the best doctor in the world to take over the care of Lamisha. He pays for everything. Then, the driver, who has been in jail for a year, comes to trial, and Kendrick and Lamisha find out his story – it breaks their hearts and Kendrick tells Theo about it. The driver was an immigrant from Guatemala who had worked as a bricklayer for 14 years. He got deported but comes right back – why? Because he has a wife and little girl he loves and he must get back to them. He drives all night, falls asleep at the wheel and kills Kendrick’s wife and injures Lamisha, Kendrick’s daughter. They can see by his tears and his hands in prayer that he is deeply, deeply sorry. After Kendrick talks to Theo, Kendrick tells the judge and his attorney (Minnette’s husband), that he feels this man has already done enough time. It’s a beautiful part of the story – the love and forgiveness from one to another–all coming about through Theo’s love and care for them.
Everyone wonders who Theo is – no last name, all they know is he’s from Portugal originally. Only one person knows him and his story – that is James Ponder, the owner of the Ponder Building where he has his office and where he allows Theo to rent the beautiful, charming 3rd floor apartment.
In the end, we find out the story of Theo and why he came to Golden. He fell in love with Asher’s mother when they were both young artists living in Spain. He loves her but he is intent on his success and lets her go. She returns to Golden and marries immediately and has a little boy, Asher, and then another child, Pearce (the money-hungry father of Minnette). It turns out, Gammy (Asher’s mother) got pregnant. Asher is Theo’s son. Theo reveals all of this in a long letter to Asher that Asher is given to read by James Ponder. James Ponder is Theo’s confidante. He knows all of the history, he knows why Theo came to Golden. He doesn’t tell a soul while Theo is alive. Theo dies tragically – he falls from the 3rd floor balcony in the middle of the night trying to scream at 3 assailants who are brutally beating both Ellen and then Simone who tried to help Ellen. Theo sees it all – and is trying to scream at them to “STOP, STOP, STOP!” The next thing we know he is a crumpled heap on the sidewalk and a young couple is horrified.
James Ponder reveals all to Theo’s son, Asher, and to the close friends of Theo’s. Theo is actually a famous artist, Zila, who has amassed a fortune and is renown for his generosity and benevolence. We do learn early on that Theo was in a loveless marriage (after Asher’s mother) to an alcoholic woman. They have a daughter, Tita, whom Theo absolutely adores – she is the light of his life. One day, the mother is driving while drunk, with Tita in the car, and has a wreck that kills them both. It takes literally years for Theo to recover. He recovers by walking, and finally by watching a sunset by a river. For the rest of his life, he finds a spot to watch the sunset by a river, every night. He also finds the Lord. This book is decidedly Christian. Theo is a good Christian man. He loves God and he loves others. It is wonderful to me that Ben and Lola wanted me to read this book and that they found it heart-warming and uplifting.
I got this book from a Little Free Library in the neighborhood. It is a memoir and won the Pulitzer Prize. I apologize I cannot figure out how to put the accent mark over the “i” in Alegria. Her mother is Puerto Rican (“Philly Rican”), one generation removed; her father is white, Jewish, hippy. She grew up in Philadelphia. Her Mom and Dad divorced when she was young (he was unfaithful to her mom), she lived mainly with her Mom in North Philly and visited her Dad in suburbia frequently at first, then less and less frequently. He married a white bitch named Sharon, who told Quiara on their wedding day, to stay out of the family pictures, “This is my day.” Quiara went away into the woods (it was an outdoor wedding near the farm at which they had been living) and she dealt with the hurt and shame by vowing solitude – the only safe way to be. “Solitude was reliably safe and enjoyable. The woods understood that, they had taught me well. I spent a long time visiting my old friends: the ferns, the toads, the moss. Finally, relief found me, now that I had decided who to be. The girl alone. The girl who despises the English word “my.””
Quiara looks like a white girl, but she lives with her Puerto Rican family and loves them – her aunts, uncles, cousins, her Abuela. They live close to poverty. There is tragedy. This is when the AIDS epidemic begins and she loses 3 beloved relative to AIDS, possibly. There was uncertainty over their deaths; sores all over, a slow wasting away. The wife and mother (I believe the deaths were all from one Aunt’s family – her husband and 2 of her children) grieved loudly – falling on the floor and screaming- at their funerals.
The library’s monthly biographies email recommended this book. I don’t know. She is a sweetheart, but she is so child-like, innocent, gullible. Her husband, Tony, committed suicide. Then she found out he was having one affair after another and she had to get tested for STDs. Thankfully, she didn’t have one, but she had had one about 5 years ago (chlamydia) and her doctor told her this is only sexually transmitted, but her husband denied being unfaithful, said the doctor was wrong, and she believed him. It also turns out he may have been involved with the Mafia. They lived in Wilmington, Delaware. They were the rich, country club set. And very heavy drinkers. After her husband died, she was on anxiety medication and she took those freely at the same time as continuing to drink heavily. And she cried and cried and cried. She would hole up for months on end, it sounded like. She would cry out to God, asking Him where was He. Somehow, someway, with a lot of help from a lot of people, she gradually healed and she wrote this book in hopes of helping others heal.
At the beginning of her healing process, she consulted mediums to try and talk with Tony. Supposedly, he did tell her several things – I’m sorry, get on with your life – it was all a game to me, etc. Then, she was convicted about using mediums because the Bible says not to, so she stopped consulting mediums. “But ultimately, as much as I wanted to hear the information from mediums, my Catholic faith began to convict me. I needed to trust God and His leadership in my life, not rely on what other humans were telling me. One day I turned to the Bible in search of God’s message to His people and found Micah 5:12: “I will destroy your witchcraft and you will no longer cast spells.”
“In the process of getting closer to God, I made a commitment to eliminate mediums from my life. From that moment, I chose to follow God’s chosen path and not rely on witchcraft. And I left the unanswered questions in God’s hands.”
She started reading the Bible, a lot. She wrote in a journal, a lot. She wrote letters to God, and several times, He wrote back. She read the book, The Secret, and bought into that completely. She used several self-help methods.
She moved to Florida in 2014 and has lived in Viera, Florida, since that time.
Here are some of the quotes I like:
She doesn’t know who said this: “Don’t worry about tomorrow, God is already there.”
Lord Chesterfield: “I recommend you take care of the minutes, for the hours will take care of themselves.”
“The essential point is that it took my husband to die tragically, with a wayward life, for me to discover my true life’s purpose.”
One evening on a trip overseas she became distraught in a church in front of a statue of the Virgin Mary and Jesus, because it was like one she and Tony had seen in Italy. There was a kind sister there, who gave Janet her rosary, comforted her and promised to have a priest call her. He called her that night; they talked for 3 hours. “He explained to me that when we forgive someone, we are not excusing the act. He helped me see that forgiving Tony was the only way to free my mind and body from the pain.”…
“As much as I wanted to be positive, I found myself constantly thinking about the negatives. I noticed that my demeanor changed for the worse when I had negative thoughts.
“Out of survival, if a negative thought entered my mind, I made a firm commitment to immediately change my way of thinking.”
After 20 years, she writes: “We find our strength in looking forward, in reaching out and helping others, in forgiving.”
These are the things she’s learned for certain:
“-Our God, the God of Light, would not make us go through so much pain without having something beautiful on the other side.
“-God works miracles through ordinary events and the people in our lives. He does it through the love and goodwill deeds we do by helping others.
“-God is with us 100 percent of the time. Even when He doesn’t “feel” present, He is.
“-God will not always react to your needs in the way you expect.
“-God always responds to our faith.
“-The Bible supplies all of our answers to how we should live.”
I got this book from a Little Free Library (Smith Street?). I wanted to read it because Wayne has her album, Easter, and she has always intrigued me; her lyrics and the album cover photo of her. I knew nothing about her, except for her hit song, Because the Night, which it turns out, she got from Bruce Springsteen.
This book is mainly about her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe, whom I had never heard of, and now wish I still never knew. I don’t like him at all, but Patti Smith loved him, through and through.
I got this book from a Little Free Library (I think the one on Smith Street). I LOVED IT! It’s set in Italy on the Cinque Terre, a little village called Porto Vergogna, Port of Shame. The main characters are Dee Moray and Pasquale Tursi. Dee is a beautiful American actress in Italy for the movie, Cleopatra. It is 1962. She is sick and thinks she is dying of stomach cancer, so has been sent to this little village for rest and is supposed to go on to Switzerland for treatment for her supposed stomach cancer. Pasquale is a young Italian who has returned to his father’s hotel on the cliff-side above the sea, trying to make a go of it. His father has just died, his mother is wishing she was dead, Pasquale has dreams of building a tennis court on the cliff side and a sandy beach and having a hotel full of rich, American tourists.
The book starts in 1962 when Pasquale is in the ocean tossing boulders to try and build a wall to protect his little beach. He sees the boat approach with the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.
The book continues through 50 years of Dee’s and Pasquale’s lives. Dee was not dying of stomach cancer, she was pregnant! With Richard Burton’s child! Richard Burton and Liz Taylor are falling in love but Richard uses Dee when Liz won’t have him. Dee is hopelessly in love with Richard Burton. He’s a “Beautiful Ruin,” a hopeless drunk – he drinks alcohol from morning until night, is a womanizer, but such a talented actor. Wayne says Night of the Iguana is Richard Burton’s movie – playing himself. I just finished Anthony Hopkins’ memoir in which he wrote about Richard Burton, who lived in the same Welsh town as Anthony Hopkins – Anthony told about how he drank from morning until night, and died at the age of 58. This novel brought Richard Burton to life for me. There’s a chapter when Pasquale takes an all-day journey from Porto Vergogna to Rome to find Richard Burton and take him back to Dee – Richard is one bottle after another after another after another. It’s painful.
But Pasquale is faced with a choice – he can stay with Dee, the beautiful American who is pregnant with Richard Burton’s child, and marry her and raise her child as his own. OR – he can return to Florence and marry the mother of HIS son. He makes the right decision.
There are other wonderful characters in this book:
Claire – the young, beautiful, smart production assistant for Michael Deane Productions. She has a porn-addicted boyfriend who sleeps til noon, watches porn all day, and goes to strip clubs at night. She isn’t sure what to do with her life – quit her job and her boyfriend and work on the film museum of a cult? Or give her job and her boyfriend one last chance. Maybe today will be the day…
Michael Deane, the Hollywood publicist turned producer who saved Cleopatra from being a total failure and goes on to make one success after another. He is about 70 years old but his face has been lifted so many times, he looks really strange – this unlined face on a 70 year old man. But, he really understands people and knows what they want. They want what they want. That’s the key to his success. And he has a good heart.
Shane Wheeler – a young man who has been coddled and spoiled all his life and is recently divorced and back living in his parent’s house. He reads Michael Deane’s book about how to pitch a movie, and shows up to pitch his movie, Donner!, on the same day Claire is trying to decide whether to quit or not.
Alvis Bender – an American GI stationed in Italy at the end of WWII. He is a hopeless drunk, trying to write a novel. He goes to Porto Vergogna and stays in the little hotel every year, ostensibly to write his novel, but he only gets one chapter done. It’s a beautiful story, that one chapter. He is a drunk, too. He ends up marrying Dee Moray and raising her son, Pat (Pasquale), as his own. He dies tragically when he is in his car and Dee is in her car, next to each other at a red light – joking around – he guns his engine when the light turns green, and gets slammed by a pick-up running through the yellow light.
Pat (Pasquale) Bender: Dee and Richard Burton’s son. He is a precocious child, handsome and charismatic. He has no idea his father is Richard Burton. He founds rock bands. He is a drunk, an addict. When he is 40 and at the end of his rope – stuck in London, no money, beat up, he calls home and talks to his ex-wife Lydia who is taking care of his sick mother, and he realizes he needs to grow up. He gets control of his life, returns to his ex-wife and sick mother. They live in a cool 4-story house that Dee designed and built in the forest by a lake in Sandpoint, Idaho. They have a little theater company in Spokane – Dee runs it – she is really dying of cancer now, Lydia has written a play about Pat’s life called Front Man, and Pat is an actor playing himself. It’s a profoundly moving play. In the end, Michael Deane, Claire, Shane, and Pasquale come to find Dee and watch the play and are all deeply affected by it. They are taken to Dee’s cabin in the woods and Dee and Pasquale are reunited after 50 years. Pat finds out his real father is Richard Burton. Claire gets promoted and gets to make real movies and convinces her porn-addict boyfriend to get counselling. Shane realizes he needs to grow up and become an adult. Tries to get back together with his ex-wife, but she won’t have him. He repays her for all he took from her and eventually a young girl falls head over heels in love with him.
Dee and Pasquale reunite after 50 years – Pasquale’s beloved wife, Amedea, has died of Alzheimer’s. They had 40 good years together, children and grandchildren. His son, Bruno, the one he did right by when he decided to marry Amedea rather than Dee, convinces him to go and try and find Dee now. He shows up in Hollywood at Michael Deane’s office, lost and alone, Shane Wheeler can speak a little Italian and he has shown up at the same time to pitch his movie. These 4 people, Claire, Michael, Shane, and Pasquale begin an adventure to find Dee Moray and Richard Burton’s son.
There are fishermen in Italy, thugs in Italy, an old and crazy Aunt in Italy.
It’s a beautiful bunch of ruins – stories of beautiful, broken people, and love and dreams, growing up, doing the right things. Loved this book.
Here’s one quote from Alvis Bender talking to Carlo, Pasquale’s father, about what to name his hotel. Carlo wants to call it “The Number One Quiet Inn with a Most Beautiful View in the Village of Cliffs.” Alvis says that may be a bit long. “And sentimental.” Carlo asks what sentimental means. Alvis answers: “”Words and emotions are simple currencies. If we inflate them, they lose their value, just like money. They begin to mean nothing. Use ‘beautiful’ to describe a sandwich and the word means nothing. Since the war, there is no more room for inflated language. Words and feelings are small now–clear and precise. Humble like dreams.””
So, Carlo calls his hotel, “The Hotel Adequate View.” Pasquale inherits this little hotel.
Dee and Pasquale return to Italy 50 years later and take a boat to the village, which is now in ruins. The end of the book, Dee and Pasquale are starting to hike to the beautiful ruins to see if the paintings in the gun bunker from WWII are still there. This is the last paragraph:
“They finish their breakfast in Portovenere, go back to the hotel, and put on hiking boots. Dee assures Pasquale that she’s up for this, and they take a taxi to the end of the road, crowded now with cars and walkers and the bicycles of tourists. At a turnaround, he helps her out of the cab, pays the driver, and they set off once more on a trail along a vineyard leading into the park, up into the striated foothills that serve as backdrop to the sea-scraped cliffs. They have no idea if the paintings have faded away, or have been spray-painted with graffiti, or if the bunker still exists–or, for that matter, if it ever existed at all–but they are young and the trail is wide and easily traveled. And even if they don’t find what they’re looking for, isn’t it enough to be out walking together in the sunlight?”
Fun murder mystery set in seaside town called Mardle, near Newcastle in England, modern day. Police detective, Vera Stanhope, and her team looking for the murderer of Margaret Krukowski, a 70-year old beautiful woman, living in the attic room of an inn on Harbour Street. Loved the characters, the setting. Vera is a hefty older woman, genius at solving murders, trying to get in shape but loves her cakes, pastries, whisky, fish and chips. Her #1 teammate, Joe Ashworth, is a handsome family man with wife and 3 children. He loves his job, loves his boss, but his precious daughter, Jessie, almost becomes the 3rd victim of this murderer. If it weren’t for Malcolm Kerr, who you really like but at the end think he might be the murderer, Jessie would have been the 3rd victim. The murderer ended up being Ryan Dewar, the teenage son of Kate Dewar, who runs the inn on Harbour Street. There were many engaging twists and turns and details in coming to the successful conclusion. Loved reading this book. I got it from a little free library (Smith Street?) and read it while on our wonderful Dead Horse Ranch State Park vacation with Adam, Danette, and Eliya.
Excellent book by Sir Anthony Hopkins, telling his life story. He never mentions when he was born, just that he is 87 years old, and the book was published in 2025, so I’m guessing he was born in 1938, just like Mom. He was born and grew up in Wales, the only child of a baker and his wife, in the town of Port Talbot, South Wales. Richard Burton was a neighbor of his and used to come back to visit. Anthony got his autograph one day. He watched him drive away in his Jaguar and vowed to be like him one day.
This was an excellent book. I love the way he writes and tells stories – you are carried away page after page. Unbelievably, he is a very morose and lonely boy. The only child of his father and mother, Arthur Richard Hopkins and Muriel Hopkins. His dad is a baker. They all grew up in hard times, wars and hardships and endless work from an early age. His dad was particularly hard on him – berating him – telling him he’ll never amount to anything – basically, what’s wrong with you, you loser.
I picked this book out from Parkwood Estate’s Library; there were a lot of Rita Mae Brown books. I love the cover. It was disappointing. Her style is very clipped sentences, talking animals (foxes, hounds, horses, cats), and a mystery that never really made sense, even when you find out who did it. But, I did like the setting – Virginia foxhunting land – and I did like some of the characters. I learned a lot, too – foxhunting is a very involved and intricate thing – and they no longer kill the foxes (since the 1970’s). They have scheduled hunts and people fix up their horses and put on their best foxhunting clothing and shoes. They bring all their dogs and horses and let the dogs go until they find a fresh fox scent, and then the chase is on! Over hill and dale until the hounds run the fox into his hole. There is a Master of Fox Hounds, MFH, and in this book, she is Jane Arnold “Sister.” I wish our neighborhood had foxes again. This book made me miss them.
She dedicates the book to: “Dedicated to Mr. and Mrs. James Evert, who taught us at South Side tennis courts and later at Holiday Park tennis courts that it is the Ten Commandments not the Ten suggestions”
It’s strange that it is dedicated to tennis legends in Florida and there is not one reference to tennis in the whole book, and the book is set in Virginia.
I am glad I read the book – it was an interesting cast of characters and setting and subject – foxhunting in Virginia and the people and animals and countryside.
Fun mystery set in the desert of Iraq, near Baghdad. A nurse, Nurse Amy Leatheran, is sent to help the anxious wife (Mrs. Leidner) of an archaeologist (Mr. Leidner). They all live together in a gated compound with 8 other people who each have various jobs on the dig: Miss Johnson (elderly spinster), Mr. and Mrs. Mercado (strange, foreign couple-he’s an addict), Mr. Reiter, Richard Carey (handsome young archaeologist), David Emmott, Father Lavigny (an impostor monk), Mr. Coleman (young Englishman).
Mrs. Leidner reveals the reason for her fears to Nurse Leatheran: her first husband was a Nazi spy, she turned him in, he was supposedly executed but it wasn’t certain. Whenever she falls in love with another man, she receives a letter from him telling her he will murder her if she ever marries another man. After decades, she marries Mr. Leidner. No threats or letters come until a few years later, after they have lived a number of years at the archaeological dig in Iraq. A day or two after Mrs. Leidner tells Nurse the reason for her terrors, Mrs. Leidner is found murdered by a “heavy great quern or grinder” to her head.
Hercule Poirot is called in to solve the mystery. He happened to be in Syria and then passing through Iraq. He does solve it! It ends up being Mr. Leidner, who threw a heavy quern off the roof that lands on his wife’s head as she is looking out the window to see who is trying to scare her with a scary mask dangling by her window. Mr. Leidner is her long, lost husband. She didn’t recognize him after all those years. He starts up the threatening letters and determines to kill her because he found out his wife has fallen in love with the young, handsome Richard Carey. He loves her but he can’t handle her loving anyone else. Miss Johnson was also murdered a few days later by substituting her glass of water with a glass of poison. She died a horrible death and managed to tell Nurse Leatheran, “the window” as she died. Miss Johnson, who loved Mr. Leidner and was totally devoted to him, had figured out how Mrs. Leidner was killed and that it was Mr. Leidner who did it from the roof. Mr. Leidner felt he had to kill her too. That was a big mistake and helped Hercule solve the mystery.
Read this book because Anza and Isabel were talking about it in the context of a movie or TV show coming out that would have the effect that the movies Lord of The Rings had on Wayne and I – we loved those books but now our images of the characters have been replaced by the actors in the movies.
It’s a children’s book series. Anza and Isabel have read all of them. There are 7 books, the last of which was published in 2024 and is called Wrath of the Triple Goddess. At first I could barely stand it. So formulaic – a copy of every children’s book series ever written: child has powers unknown to him and must fight an evil force. This book, the child is Percy Jackson, short for Perseus, 11 year-old son of the god, Poseidon, and a human mother, Sally. He is a “half-blood” and dyslexic and ADHD and continually kicked out of boarding schools. His mom lives with a disgusting human, Gabe, who plays poker all day and is a mean slob. Percy has no idea he is half human, half god. He and his mom are going on a vacation to the sea after school is out one summer. They are attacked by monsters. Percy’s mom gets scattered into gold dust, Percy is rescued by the creatures and half-bloods of the summer camp for half-bloods. Percy finds out he’s a half-blood and his father may be the god, Poseidon. He must go on a quest to find and return Zeus’s master bolt. He and his friends, Annabeth (half-blood daughter of Athena and human father), and Grover – a Satyr, venture across the country (east coast to west coast) and then down deep into Hades to recover the master bolt and return it to Zeus and save the world from another world war.
The ending was really good and I’m glad I stuck with it.
I got this book from a Little Free Library. It was about wolves, ranchers, and Federal biologists. Set in a fictional town called Hope, Montana. The beginning is SCARY – a big black wolf almost snatches a baby (the rancher’s grandson) out of his carriage on the front porch. The dog saves him but gets killed in the process. The war between the ranchers and the Federal biologists trying to keep the wolves alive and away from cattle begins. I liked the characters, a lot. Dan Prior – Head of the Fish and Wildlife division; Helen, 28-year old wolf biologist brought to Hope to help locate the wolves; Eleanor Calder, beautiful wife of Buck Calder – arrogant rancher who cheats on Eleanor; Luke Calder, 18-year old son of Buck and Eleanor, he stutters and has a heart of gold, very smart, very loving, very miserable in his father’s house; Kathy and Clyde Hicks and their baby boy, Buck – the daughter and son-in-law of Buck and Eleanor, Clyde is a ranch hand but not too bright, Kathy is the loving and bright daughter of Buck and Eleanor, and mother of baby boy Buck who the wolf almost snatched.
The interplay between these characters and the other ranchers near the town of Hope, and the town of Hope (bars, restaurants, gift shop, different events) seems very realistic. He seems to be pro-wolf, but then he does show the problems they create when they start to eat cattle. He doesn’t provide a solution either. In the end, Dan Prior and Helen are releasing 2 wolves, an alpha male and female, into the highest part of the wilderness, to replace the wolves the ranchers killed, and the young pups they had to remove down to Yellowstone.
The love story between Luke and Helen is really, really sweet. Luke saves Helen’s life – she tried to commit suicide when she finds out Joel, her boyfriend for the last few years, is getting married to a Belgian doctor he met while doing relief work in Africa. He nurses her back to health and they fall in love. Luke is a stutterer. He’s gentle and loving. He loves the wolves and all nature and wildlife. For a long time, he went around after Helen set her traps and sprung them, saving the wolves from being trapped and collared. They finally work together and face the ire of the ranchers together. In the end, Luke’s dad accidentally shoots Luke as he’s coming out of the wolf den with a load of pups, thinking he was a wolf (it was night and extremely tense). The bullet goes right through Luke’s neck with no damage but splinters on a rock and a splinter damages Luke’s left eye. The very end: Buck Calder is a changed man, a broken man. Eleanor has left him, Luke is going off to college, Buck is going to face trial for killing wolves, Dan Prior has resigned his position (he is “wolfed out”), and Helen and Luke are going to Minnesota where Luke is going to study biology and Helen is just going to “be” and she would “be” with the person she loved best in the world.
P.S. The Loop refers to a horrible trap that kills young pups when they first come out of the den.
by William Davis, MD (author of Wheat Belly), 2022
Danette’s Aunt recommended this book; it helped her lose 30 pounds and feel so much better all around. His premise is that modern life has wreaked havoc on our microbiome and that destruction and proliferation of bad bacteria up the digestive tract, SIBO and SIFO – Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth and Small Intestinal Fungal Overgrowth – are causing us to have many, many problems that we look to pharmaceuticals to cure, when really, simply restoring a health gut biome would fix us. His 4-week plan involves first killing the bad bacteria that is in the small intestine, mainly through natural antibiotics like clove oil or oregano oil – a few drops in olive oil twice a day – and his Super Gut Yogurt, which is these 3 species of probiotics: Lactobacillus reuteri DSM 17938, ATCC PTA 6475 (from everidis.com); Lactobacillus gasseri BNR17 from mercolamarket.com called “Biothin Probiotic” with 10 billion CFUs per capsule, and Bacillus coagulans GBI-30,6086 available as the Digestive Advantage product from Schiff, available at Walmart.
It is very hard to test for SIBO and SIFO. SIBO testing involves a breath analyzer. But the symptoms of SIBO are like irritable bowel syndrome, bowel urgency, bloating, fibromyalgia, restless leg syndrome, fatty liver, diverticular disease, various food intolerances, gallstones, autoimmune and neurodegenerative conditions, and type 2 diabetes. Also, rosacea. “Unhealthy bacteria and fungi have been recovered from arteries, breasts, prostate glands, even the human brain, representing an invasion of microbes whose health effects are only beginning to be appreciated.” (page 11).
This invasion starts at birth with a C-section and then not breast-feeding. Babies born via C-section do not get the microbiome from their mothers that comes from the birth canal. Then, formula-fed babies do not get the good microbiome from their mother’s milk. He has recipes for a yogurt that a mother can eat that will pass along the good probiotics to the baby through breast-feeding. He talks about how Nestle encouraged mothers in Africa to formula-feed their babies, rather than breast feed. So these poor women did not breast-feed, instead paying for formula, and then diluting it so it went further, resulting in malnourished babies. Formula feeding was encouraged in the U.S. too – doctors and hospitals were paid to hand out formula. All of these babies did not get the good bacteria that sets them up for a healthy life: Lactobacillus and Bifidobacterium.
So many factors involved in the destruction of our gut: Glyphosate and other herbicides and pesticides destroy good gut biome. Antibiotics destroy good bacteria. Ozone pollution destroys them. NSAIDs destroy good gut biome. Prescription drugs that reduce stomach acid destroy them.
Page 12: “The recent discovery that people who die of Alzheimer’s dementia have brain tissue riddled with fungi, an observation that we shall discuss further, is especially concerning.”
Neighbor Sue loaned me this book, mostly for Wayne and his back pain. Wayne had already bought and studied “Built from Broken” from Justin. That has given him good exercises to do.
Good beginning – stressing how modern Americans no longer move and that is our problem in a nutshell. We sit almost all day and our bodies are changing as a result. Then, we try to start exercising and we experience pain.
Stanford did a study on his method and found that 17 people experienced a 31 percent decrease in pain levels after 2 months (May 2017).
He looks at his clients to determine what category they fall in:
Condition 1 reminds me of Tyler – feet everted (angled outward), knees out, pelvis tilted forward, sagging gut, head tilts forward and down, chin drops.
Condition 2: head angled off-line to one side, shoulder drooped forward and down, back of hand showing and may be hanging lower than other hand.
Condition 3: Head juts forward; rounding, drooping shoulders; S-curve of lower spine flattened out, both hips tilted under.
D-Lux is ideal: Everything is aligned and parallel: Shoulder joints, hip joints, knee joints, ankle joints, feet pointing forward, weight on balls of feet. Head erect and straight chin level. Hands hang alongside body, thumb and index fingers visible.
When people come to him in pain, he has them do three exercises until they no longer have pain: Static back press, supine groin stretch, and air bench (wall sit). Once the pain goes, you start with a series of exercises, up to 22 of them, in order, every day. There are different exercises depending upon which Category you fall into. If you have some characteristics of more than one Category, start with the exercises for Category 2 or 3 and then move to Category 1.
The Static Back Press is lying flat on your back with your knees and lower legs resting on a box or platform knee high. Right and left hips both flat on the floor. Breathe in and out deeply.
The Supine Groin Stretch: lie on your back with one leg resting on a block at 90 degrees and the other leg stretched out with something to prop the foot and keep it from flopping to the side. Not really easy to understand but the idea is to keep the hips level and the back completely flat on the floor. Breathe deeply and keep lowering the extended leg (???) until the hip flexors are relaxed (????).
Air Bench is basically a wall sit: press the small of your back and your hips against the wall. Feet shoulder width apart and far away enough so that your knees are above your ankles, not your toes. “If you have pain in the kneecaps, slide up the wall a bit.” Breathe, and to come out of this, push off with your hands against the wall and walk around for a minute.
LOVED this book! I love the way Michael Connelly writes. His crime dramas are meticulously detailed but so suspenseful. They are never graphic or explicit, ugly or dirty. The character, Harry Bosch, is so kind and well-meaning and professional and good. He teams up with his former partner, Kiz Rider (black female) whom I loved also. They solve the cold case (“Open-Unsolved”) murder of a 16 year old girl, Rebecca Verloren, in 1988. It’s 17 years later. They have a DNA match for a Roland Mackey. They find him, working at a Tow Truck company. They get approval for wire-tapping and they use an article in the paper that the case has been reopened due to a DNA match, to make him nervous and hope he makes some phone calls. It works – too good – the actual murderer reads the article and manages to kill Roland Mackey by squishing him between his car and a the tow truck. Harry and Kiz are there right after it happens but the murderer is gone.
Harry figures out who the real murder is – it’s Gordon Stoddard. He is now the principal of the school Rebecca went to. He was her teacher then. It is amazing how Harry and Kiz figure it out – by looking at the phone logs into the Tow Truck company from the wire-tap. Then, because Harry is so observant, and he had seen a post-it note at the Tow Truck company the day before that Roland was trying read (he is dyslexic) that said Visa called to verify his employment. They figured out that that call was made by the real murderer to see if he worked there. The way they figured that out was by calling the tow truck company listed in the yellow pages right above that one and asking them if someone had called yesterday from Visa asking about Roland Mackey. Sure enough, someone had. So then they knew the phone call coming in at 1:40 was from the murderer – only it wasn’t – it was from a student at the high school. Turns out her phone was confiscated and was in the Principal’s office all day-the principal used it to make the phone call. He was the murderer. AMAZING – page-turner. Loved it!
This book I got from Mom. After she moved into Parkwood Estates, she had it (must have gotten it from the Little Free Library on Columbia) and she said it was so good she couldn’t stop reading it. I think it is the last book she read that she really understood.
I got this book from the Little Free Library on Locust Street. She is too educated for me. Many chapters started with a quote in French, with no translation for those of us who don’t know French. She also assumes the reader knows a lot more about history. So many things went over my head. But, she does paint a picture of Mexico in the 1950s, and she does give a detailed history of Mexico that I was able to grasp, just barely. The Spanish conquered Mexico from the Aztecs, destroyed much of the culture, sold much of Mexico to the United States, then fought against Juarez, who tried to reform Mexico for the natives. Before the in-depth history lesson, and after it, she takes you with her and her friend from New York City to Mexico by train – what an ordeal that was. Then to Mexico City. Then to Don Otavio’s villa next to Lake Chapala. Don Otavio is from a rich Spanish family in Mexico. He has a villa and a hacienda. He is gracious and accommodating and generous. Elizabeth and Sybille are welcomed there with open arms and treated like royalty. They enjoy many, many months in this beautiful, comfortable place. They take forays to Mazatlan, which was a nightmare – ugly, decrepit seaport in the 1950s. Everything rotting and derelict and so extremely difficult to get there (by train, about 18 hours late). Sybille also goes to Mr. Middleton’s for tea one day – an Englishman who is controlling, opinionated, obstinate. He wants them to leave the gracious host Otavio and come live in a cottage without running water, and none of the beauty and conveniences they have with Don Otavio. He wants them to have their caskets built – because if you die in Mexico without one, your body will rot before its casket can be built. He is the first Englishman I haven’t liked.
Near the end of the book, Sybille goes on a jungle trip with two gentlemen friends, against the timing recommended by this Mr. Middleton, because the gentlemen do not like Mr. Middleton and refuse to let him have any sway in their lives. They have an absolutely miserable trip. They never make it to the seaside. Sybille gets really sick after a few days back to Don Otavio’s and takes months to recover–not until Don Otavio gets her some penicillin does she actually recover.
She is really good at describing places. Here’s how she describes Don Otavio’s place at San Pedro Tlayacan:
“Wide French windows opened from the domed, whitewashed room on to a sun-splashed loggia above a garden white and red with the blooms of camellia, jasmine and oleander and the fruits of pomegranate, against a shaped luxuriance of dense, dark, waxed leaves; and below the garden lay the lake, dull silver at that hour…Three tall, tall, tapering palms swayed lightly on the shore. The air was sweet with tuberose and lime, and dancing like a pointillist canvas with brilliant specks, bee and moth, hummingbird and dragonfly. Birds everywhere: slender birds with pointed scarlet tails, plump birds with yellow breasts and coral backs, smooth birds with smarmed blue wings; darting birds and soft birds and birds stuck all over with crests and plumes and quills; tight-fitted and striped birds as fantastically got up as cinquecento gondoliers; ibis and heron, dove and quail, egret and wild duck, swallows and cardinals, afloat, in the trees, on the lawn, dipping and skimming, in and out, out and in of a dozen open windows…”
Another town she liked was Oaxaca: “I went for a morning walk. Mornings in Mexico are always serene. The young blue air floats lightly upon the arid land and one is wafted along with the empyrean balloon.”
The area she stayed with Don Otavio was a paradise and he was the kindest, most generous host for almost a year. He was going to open a hotel but it never got off the ground – very difficult to get to (no road), and money running out. It is now a popular place for expats and retirees. It’s about an hour south of Guadalajara in the state of Jalisco, on the shores of Lake Chapala.
This was disappointing. I’ve loved everything he’s written, and I did love the ending of this book, but it took a while to get through. It’s about 4 friends who live by the sea and have the crappiest parents ever. Some of the parents are so abusive, it’s terrible, terrible. And one of the boys (C.Jat, but KimKim is his real name) is an amazing artist. He becomes famous because another of the boys (Joar) makes sure he enters a contest for young painters. It takes forever to find out each little bit of the story – most of it is told while Ted, another of the friends, 25 years later is on a train with an 18 year-old orphan, Louisa, who fell in love with the painting that made C.Jat famous – The One of the Sea. Finally, finally, everything comes together in the last couple of chapters, but getting there was a real slog at times. Maybe I will appreciate it in a few days, though. The 4 friends are 14 years old and most of the story is about their lives that summer. They have so much fun out on the pier. The painting is of the sea and the pier, and the artists 3 friends on the pier, which only a few people actually notice. When Louisa finds a postcard of this painting years later, she treasures it. When the painting is going to be sold at auction, she makes sure she is there to see it in real life. The artist is now a grown man, famous, and dying. Louisa literally runs into him in the alley behind the museum, escaping the security guards. He looks like a homeless man with a cat. He’s actually just in the alley waiting for his painting to be sold for millions. His friend, Ted, who loves the artist – he’s gay – is actually buying the painting before the artist dies. When the artist meets Louisa in the alley, she’s an abused, about to turn 18 years old, genius artist like himself, he makes sure she is the one who Ted gives the painting to after he dies.
The four friends that summer are Ali (a wild girl), Joar (whose father is a violent drunk who physically abuses he and his mother so badly, so constantly, it’s amazing they haven’t died. Joar plans to kill his father that summer, before his father kills his beloved mother.) Also, Ted (a young, timid, weak, frightened gay boy), and the artist, who is also physically abused by his father.
One of the things that bothered me about the book is he never tells where this town by the sea is located – what continent, what country, what town. It’s probably Sweden since that is where Backman is from, but they go swimming in the sea, and I can’t imagine Sweden’s sea is ever warm enough to swim in! He also doesn’t name the artist’s real name (Kim) until the book is almost over. There are also hints of homosexuality in both the artist (for Joar), Ted (for the artist), and Louisa (for her dear, dead friend, Fish), but thankfully, nothing explicit. Lately, his books have gay characters – like in the Hockey book – the main hero hockey player is gay.
There is a love story between Ali and Joar, girl and boy, but they are so immature and hostile to one another – he presents them as constantly nagging and fighting one another. That got old. There are lots of fart jokes and slapstick type antics. I found those irritating, not funny. And the abusiveness, the constant fears, were tough.
But, the ending was good. Ali ends up moving away that summer and becoming a really good surfer. She ends up paddling out one day at the age of 18, never to be found again. Joar lives a long life as a single man – he loved only Ali. His abusive Dad gets hit in the head with a steel beam at his job on the harbor – actually on the same day that Joar was planning to murder him. He and his mom end up taking care of his dad the rest of his life. He changed and they both forgave him. Ted ends up a high school teacher, a really good one, and he ends up being a father to Louisa. Louisa becomes another rich and famous artist. One day, she runs into a young girl who is just like she was – poor and hopeless, but full of talent. You know Louisa is going to take her under her wing the way Ted did for Louisa. And the good continues. Nice ending.
Wayne has been recommending this book for years. He read her work when he was getting his Master’s at Regis.
After reading it, I understand Brandon better, and am really, really proud of how he has changed and grown after 8 months of living at Harvest Farm and having Mr. Snyder as a mentor.
There are 9 types of resources: Financial, Emotional, Mental/Cognitive, Spiritual, Physical, Support Systems, Relationships/Role Models, Knowledge of Hidden Rules, and Language/Formal Register.
“Emotional resources provide the stamina to withstand difficult and uncomfortable emotional situations and feelings. Emotional resources allow you to not engage in destructive behaviors–to others or yourself. Emotional resources may well be the most important of all resources because, when present, they allow the individual not to return to old patterns…”
Spiritual resources are the belief that help can be obtained from a higher power, that there is a purpose for living, and that worth and love are gifts from God. This is a powerful resource because the individual does not see himself/herself as hopeless and useless, but rather as capable and having worth and value. Furthermore, spiritual resources provide a person with a “future story,” which gives him/her hope for the future.”
“No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship.” Dr. James Comer.
Knowledge of hidden rules, sometimes called mores…Hidden rules exist in poverty, in middle class, and in wealth, as well as in ethnic groups and other units of people. Hidden rules are about the salient, unspoken understandings that cue the members of the group that a given individual does or does not fit. For example, three of the hidden rules in poverty are the following: The noise level is high (the TV is almost always on, and everyone may talk at once), the most important information is nonverbal, and one of the main values of an individual to the group is an ability to entertain. There are also hidden rules about food, dress, decorum, etc. Generally, in order to successfully move from one class to the next, it is important to have a spouse or mentor from the class to which you wish to move to model and teach you the hidden rules.”
“…One of the hidden rules of poverty is that extra money is shared. Middle class puts a great deal of emphasis on being self-sufficient. In poverty, the clear understanding is that one will never get ahead, so when extra money is available, it is either shared or immediately spent, often on some type of entertainment because entertainment takes away the pain…”
“In poverty, people are possessions, and people rely on each other in order to survive. After all, that is all you have — people.”
“In their study, Hart and Risley found that a child in a welfare home received two negative comments to one positive while a child in a professional household received six positives to one negative.”
“Gangs are a type of support system and often a source of revenue due to the drug trade. They provide virtually all of the resources needed for survival.”
“Fighting and physical violence also are a part of poverty. People living in poverty need to be able to defend themselves physically, or they need someone to be their protector.”
Here are the Hidden Rules Among Classes:
“One of the biggest difficulties in getting out of poverty is managing money–and the general information base around money. How can you manage something you’ve never had? Money is seen in poverty as an expression of personality and is used for entertainment and relationships. The notion of using money for security is grounded in the middle and wealthy classes.”
“Adult personality is not considered to be formed until around age 29.”
“Students need to be taught the hidden rules of middle class–not in denigration of their own but rather as another set of rules that can be used if they so choose.”
“An understanding of the culture and values of poverty will lessen the anger and frustration that educators may periodically feel when dealing with these students and parents.”
“Most of the students in poverty I have talked to don’t believe they are poor, even when they’re on welfare. Most of the wealthy adults I have talked to don’t believe they’re rich; they will usually cite someone who has more than they do.”
“Generational poverty is defined as having been in poverty for at least two generations; however, the patterns begin to surface much sooner than two generations if the family lives with others who are from generational poverty.
“Situational poverty is defined as a lack of resources due to a particular event (i.e., a death, chronic illness, divorce, etc.)…
“One of the key indicators of whether it’s generational or situational poverty is the prevailing attitude. Frequently the attitude in generational poverty is that society “owes me a living.” In situational poverty the attitude is often one of pride and a great reluctance (sometimes refusal) to accept charity.”
Patterns present in generational poverty: Background noise, importance of personality, significance of entertainment, importance of relationships, matriarchal structure, oral-language tradition, survival orientation, identity for men tied to lover/fighter role, identity for women tied to rescuer/martyr role, importance of nonverbal/kinesthetic communication, ownership of people, negative orientation, discipline – “Punishment is usually about penance and forgiveness, not change.” Belief in fate: “Destiny and fate are the major tenets of the belief system. Choice is seldom considered.” Polarized thinking: “Nuanced options on the continuum are hardly ever examined. Just about everything is polarized; it is one way or the other. The concept of “gray areas” seldom enters the picture. These kinds of statements are common: “I quit,” “I can’t do it,” and “He’s just plain no good.”
There are growing numbers of children from poverty in our schools, and decreasing numbers of children from the middle class. “Education is the key to getting out of, and staying out of, generational poverty. And as stated in the Introduction, individuals leave poverty for one of four reasons:
A situation that is so painful that just about anything would be better
A goal or vision of something they want to be or have
A specific talent or ability that provides an opportunity for them
Someone who “sponsors” them (i.e., an educator or spouse or mentor or role model who shows them a different way or convinces them that they could live differently)”
“Schools are virtually the only places where students can learn the choices and rules of the middle class.”
“The culture of poverty has some universal characteristics which transcend regional, rural-urban, and even national differences … There are remarkable similarities in family structure, interpersonal relations, time orientations, value systems, spending patterns, and the sense of community in lower-class settlements in London, Glasgow, Paris, Harlem, and Mexico City.” -Oscar Lewis, “The Culture of Poverty” in Four Horsemen
In Chapter 6, Support Systems and Parents, here are seven categories of support systems: 1. Coping Strategies, 2. Options during Problem Solving, 3. Information and Know-How, 4. Connections to Other People and Resources, 5. Temporary Relief from Emotional, Mental, Financial, and/or Time Constraints, 6. Positive Self-Talk, 7. Procedural Self-Talk.
If a family becomes homeless: “In the research, if you are homeless, religious social capital does more to move you out of being homeless than any other form of assistance. Link the homeless family with a church, synagogue, mosque, or other religious organization.” (Our churches are failing the homeless miserably – they are missing a bet on being the hands and feet of Jesus. They should be open 7 days a week for the homeless to find shelter, food, and rest.)
Chapter 7, Creating Relationships: In a book by Margaret Wheatley called Leadership and the New Science(1992), “…The Newtonian model of the world is characterized by materialism and reductionism–a focus on things rather than relationships … The quantum view of reality strikes against most of our notions of reality. Even to scientists, it is admittedly bizarre. But it is a world where relationship is the key determiner of what is observed and of how particles manifest themselves … Many scientists now work with the concept of fields–invisible forces that structure space or behavior [emphasis added].
“Wheatley goes on to say that, in the new science of quantum physics, physical reality is not just tangible, it is also intangible. Fields are invisible, yet:
“[They are the] substance of the universe … In organizations, which is the more important influence on behavior–the system or the individual? The quantum world answered that question: It depends … What is critical is the relationship created between the person and the setting. That relationship will always be different, will always evoke different potentialities. It all depends on the players and the moment [emphasis added]. …”
“When students who have been in poverty (and have successfully made it into middle class) are asked how they made the journey, the answer nine times out of 10 has to do with a relationship–a teacher, counselor, or coach who gave advice or took an interest in them as individuals.”
Relationships Bank Account: Deposits are, “Seek first to understand; Keeping promises; Kindnesses, courtesies; Clarifying expectations; Loyalty to the absent; Apologies; Open to feedback.” Withdrawals are, “Seek first to be understood; Breaking promises; Unkindnesses, discourtesies; Violating expectations; Disloyalty, duplicity; Pride, conceit, arrogance; Rejecting feedback.”
Deposits made to an individual in poverty: “Appreciation for humor and entertainment provided by the individual; Acceptance of what the individual cannot say about a person or situation; Respect for the demands and priorities of relationships; Using the adult voice; Assisting with goal setting; Identifying options related to available; Understanding the importance of personal freedom, speech, and individual personality.”
Withdrawals made from an individual in poverty: “Put-downs or sarcasm about the humor or the individual; Insistence and demands for full explanation about a person or situation; Insistence on the middle-class view of relationships; Using the parent voice; Telling the individual his/her goals; Making judgments on the value and availability of resources; Assigning pejorative character traits to the individual.”
“Students often know only one choice. They don’t have access to another way to deal with the situation.” She recommends having them complete a sheet, asking them to write down what they did; when they did that, what did they want; then list four other things they could have done instead of the choice they made (this is hard for students from poverty); and lastly, what will you do next time.
Describing three voices: The Child Voice – “Defensive, victimized, emotional, whining, losing attitude, strongly negative nonverbal.” The Parent Voice – “Authoritative, directive, judgmental, evaluative, win-lose mentality, demanding, punitive, sometimes threatening.” The Adult Voice – “Not judgmental, free of negative nonverbals, factual, often in question format, attitude of win-win.”
She talks about “Reframing” in order to show parents and children a different way. She uses the example of fighting, which is the behavior you want to change. She reframes is by saying, “It takes more strength to stay out of a fight than get into it.” She asks the parents if they fight at work? When they say no, she lets them see there is an “appropriate place to physically fight, and it isn’t school or work.” Reframe situations with phrases like: “This behavior (not fighting) will help you win more often; This will keep you from being cheated; This will help you be tougher or stronger; This will make you smarter; This will help keep the people you love safe; This will give you power, control, and respect; This will keep you safer.”
Instruction techniques include building vocabulary – “Vocabulary becomes the tool by which the mind categorizes information (like and different), sorts the information, assigns the information to a pattern or group, and then communicates shared meaning….But meaning has value only to the extent that it can be shared and communicated. This requires a collective understanding of what a word means. Vocabulary literally is the key tool for thinking.”
In Appendix B, she discusses the causes of poverty. There are four main causes: Behaviors of the individual, Absence of human and social capital, Exploitation, and Political/economic structures.
Behaviors of the individual include “intergenerational character traits, dependency, single parenthood, work ethic, breakup of families, violence, addiction and mental illness, and language experiences.” Strategies for helping include, “”work first,” literacy education, treatment interventions, a cluster of abstinence issues, and programs that promote marriage.”
Causes related to the absence of human and social capital include employment and education, declining neighborhoods and middle-class flight.
Exploitation refers to low wages paid to people who cannot protest, large corporations hiring people for only 30 hours a week (to avoid paying health insurance and other benefits), the drug trade, the high interest car lots, and rent to own stores, and payday loans.
Social, economic, and political structures require systemic changes so that those who are poor can influence the political and economic structures that affect them, like providing good teachers and sound school buildings in poor areas, and holding corporations accountable for their actions.
Race and gender play a huge role in poverty:
“America’s economic, social, and political policy and structures built and supported a white middle class. Slavery exponentially magnified racial disparities in income and wealth. Generations of African Americans were subjected to captivity, hard labor, and human rights controlled by slaveholders. The economic advantages slavery afforded to the slave owners is calculated in The Color of Wealth. During the mid to late 1800s U.S. government policy supported agriculture by giving lands taken from Mexico and Native Americans to white settlers (e.g., Manifest Destiny, the Gold Rush, and the Homestead Act). Land ownership was largely restricted to whites. U.S. policies continued to develop during the Industrial Revolution, which spawned the working class. Child labor was outlawed, tariffs made U.S.goods more desirable (hence more Americans could be employed), Ford mechanized production (and improved working conditions to a degree), unions developed to help protect workers, and some employers began to provide healthcare and pensions in order to compete for workers in a tight labor market. But segregation and discrimination limited employment opportunities. The white-collar middle class emerged and was supported by the GI Bill, mortgages, Social Security, and Medicare. Between 1930 and 1960, just 1% of all U.S. mortgages were issued to African Americans, and segregation in colleges meant there were not enough openings for black GIs to go to school on the GI Bill.”
“Poverty traps people in the tyranny of the moment, making it … difficult to attend to abstract information or plan for the future–the very things needed to build [toward the attainment of a college degree]. – Philip DeVol
