by Kareem Rosser, 2025
Christie told me about this book. She read it and loved it. Kareem continues his life story. He meets and falls in love with a rich, white, beautiful girl named Lee Lee Jones. She was a horse-girl, participating in Eventing Competitions, which Kareem considered more difficult than Polo. Her family was wealthy, involved in the horse world in Pennsylvania, owning a horse farm, participating in fox hunts, with all the glitz and glamour of that wealthy world. But these two fall in love. Everything is going good until Kareem returns to Colorado State University and has a one-night stand with his former girlfriend, Lizzie. Lizzie finds out he was in a relationship with Lee Lee. Lizzie calls him on it and tells him he needs to let Lee Lee know. Kareem lets Lee Lee know and Lee Lee punishes him for what seems like years. First she breaks up with him, but then, they get back together but she doesn’t trust him; she makes him check in with her every day and night. He seems to have to apologize over and over again. I started not liking this girl, but he felt he deserved that treatment. They still had some good times, with an awful lot of drinking. He is not coping well with life, and tells her he needs to break up with her. He gets his life together but misses her terribly and they get back together again. That’s when the accident happens – Lee Lee is working a green horse on the exercise track at her home, and the horse hits an icy patch, trips, throws Lee Lee, then rolls and lands on Lee Lee’s head. Lee Lee was wearing a helmet but it still took many surgeries and months in the hospital and rehab. Lee Lee lives but was never the same. Kareem doesn’t know that she won’t bounce back completely, so is still devoted to her and leaves work promptly at 5:00 p.m. every night and drives an hour and a half to spend the evening with Lee Lee. He has no life except work, drive to Lee Lee, spend the evening with her. This goes on for 4 years. She gradually recovers to the point she can recognize him but she is child-like. When she first starts speaking again, she says “Fuck You, Bitch,” to everyone, including Kareem, her Mom, nurses, everyone. That eventually goes away and she becomes a sweet person, confined to a wheelchair, and dependent on her Mom (Evie) and other care-takers.
Kareem’s boss points him in the direction of his therapist. Kareem had tried a therapist who only prescribed ADHD drugs and Kareem almost became addicted to them. He quit them and stopped seeing that therapist but was still a mess inside. He describes his feelings. He has panic attacks, is full of anxiety, and is depressed. His boss, Joe, is a super nice guy. Kareem goes to see Joe’s therapist, Ellen Berman, and she helps him so much. She asks him to stop going to see Lee Lee every day. He can’t do that. She says, okay, leave 15 minutes early. He couldn’t do that. Okay, leave 10 minutes early. Her talk therapy saves him and he never stops loving Lee Lee, but he has a healthy life outside of Lee Lee. He meets Yolanda, a beautiful young lady who is more like him – not rich, not white, not privileged. But she’s a breath of fresh air. So is her family. She becomes the mother of their precious baby girl, Zara. And Kareem marries her. He brings both Yolanda and Zara out to meet Lee Lee and it’s a precious moment. He lets Lee Lee hold Zara and she says “Baby, Baby” over and over again.
Really good book. He calls it “creative non-fiction.” That means the events and time-line are based on real events but some have been compressed or adjusted. The characters are based on real life but some names have been changed. The conversations are not exact but evoke the character and spirit.
Ellen Berman, the therapist, talks to Kareem about ambiguous loss, which is a loss, but not a complete loss like death. The traumatic brain injury that Lee Lee Jones suffered was not fatal, but left her unlike her former self. Kareem was caught between despair and hope. Some examples of ambiguous loss are when someone is kidnapped, or MIA, or when someone gets Alzheimer’s, or has a drug addiction or severe depression.
The title of the book comes from Lee Lee’s mother, Evie. She and Kareem are having a discussion outside on the hood of his car after his visit with Lee Lee. She tells him it would be okay if he started dating again. He tells her he still loves Lee Lee. She says she understands that but tells him, “When you’re ready.”
After Zara is born, Kareem is describing the love he feels for his baby girl: “I’d thought I understood love. I thought that the love that I felt for my mom, my siblings, my grandma, Leslie, Lee Lee, Evie, Yolanda..I thought all that love covered pretty much every color in the emotional spectrum. And that I was lucky to have it in my life.
“But this feeling? This feeling that I had for this tiny, silly, sweet thing? This wide-eyed child? This soft little mystery that I held in my arms?
“It was singular. It was incomparable. It was bigger than anything I’d ever felt. And I knew, right then and there, that I would spend my lifetime trying to be a good enough father to my daughter. I knew that there would never be anything more important or more valuable in my life.”
Here are a few paragraphs near the end of the book. He is at Yolanda’s family home in New Jersey, and both their large families are together for Christmas. Kareem is going to surprise-propose to Yolanda:
“”Yolanda,” I said. “When I was growing up, I didn’t think that love could really last. I never really believed that love could be a forever thing. And that’s because I didn’t think that the people I loved would ever be able to stay.
“”But then” –I smiled at her, and she smiled right back at me, tremulous and happy. “Then I met you. And you showed me that there was another kind of love. A real love. A true and deep and rooted thing that might change and grow over time but would never completely disappear. You gave me a safe place to heal. You saw me through some of my darkest times, and you brought me so much light.” I looked at Zara. “We created this amazing daughter together. And all I want is to spend the rest of my life with you both.””
Here are a few sweet closing words, when they are visiting Lee Lee and Lee Lee is holding Zara:
“I may have created more space between us, but I will never leave Lee Lee behind. I will never permanently step away. I think she still sees me as her soul mate and other half. And honestly, so do I. Our relationship necessarily changed, but it did not end. There was no closure.
“Instead, there was a metamorphosis. For both of us…
…”Lee Lee changed me.
Yolanda changed me.
Zara changed me.
Love changed me.
Because true love is never static; I renews and transfigures, it morphs and grows and fills the silence and the empty, broken places. It takes on whatever shape we need it to become.”
Such a special young man! I never met him personally, but when he applied for scholarships at CSU, I read his scholarship application and was utterly captivated by his story. A poor, black child growing up in the Bottom, which sounds like a ghetto of Philadelphia. His mom a drug addict, as was his grandma. His best friend shot to death. His older brothers in prison. Before that, though, his older brothers discover the “Work to Ride” program – a horse barn in Philadelphia that teaches poor children how to ride horses. Kareem comes to CSU as a Polo player and leads CSU to a national title in Polo. And that story is in his book, Crossing the Line, which is also an excellent book.