by Karen Ehman, 2021
Christian self-help book for people-pleasers. She mainly focuses on one’s to-do list and learning to say no to others. What finally drove her to a summer of “no and necessary” was when a dear, dear friend of hers asked if her adult son might be able to stay with her once in awhile when he couldn’t make the commute home. She said yes but then immediately regretted it. She listed all the reasons she couldn’t do it. Mainly that she wouldn’t be able to just let him stay there – she’d want to wait up for him, give him a snack, make sure he had everything he needed. And also she was having her house remodeled.
She talks with her husband and he tells her she needs to have the summer of “no and necessary.” She calls her dear friend back and tells her she can’t do it.
Wow – unbelievably superficial. The problems she writes about are pathetic. No wonder people can’t stand Christians. There is only one place in the entire book she says to be aware of the Holy Spirit prompting you to take on a task and to be willing to move things around to act on that.
Revelations 3:17 applies: You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
She is an author for the Proverbs 31 ministries, of which Lysa Terkeurst is the head. She is not a theologian or a counselor; she’s just a journalist. It seems this Proverbs 31 ministry takes whatever is going on in the secular world and pop psychology and spins it in Christian-ese, providing a nice little paperback book, a video series, and discussion guides. Again and again–all the way to the bank. No real change going on here, just people making money. And this book seems to promote rich Christian women that are already quite greedy to now be greedy with their time. She gives all kinds of ways to say no when people ask you for help or to do something. There is nothing about filling your life helping the poor or the oppressed. She has filled her life with gossiping friends and acquaintances who “need” her and she can’t say no to them. Oh – and also church duties.
It brings to mind Amos 4:1, too: – “Hear this word, you cows of Bashan on Mount Samaria, you women who oppress the poor and crush the needy and say to your husbands, “Bring us some drinks!”
I read this book because the book I wanted to read, When People are Big and God is Small, was not available at the Library and this one was. Now, I am reading When People are Big and God is Small, and it is full of sound thoughts that get to the heart of the problem and offer some true solutions to this very human problem of caring more what people think than of what God thinks.
She has one small paragraph that says, unless you find your true satisfaction in Jesus, you will never be satisfied.
There is a long chapter on being honest. People-pleasers tell little white lies all the time, like telling a friend some outfit looks good on them when it doesn’t. I’m so glad I don’t live in that world. It’s like they are still in high school and trying to be the most popular. When your life is all about you, it becomes pretty meaningless. Another example she gives is telling a fictional sister-in-law who says she can’t host Thanksgiving that you can’t either, rather than capitulating and hosting. These are not problems that should consume so much time and effort.
There is a chapter on digital life and not responding immediately. Common sense.
The fact that you need to pray before making decisions to do things is touched upon. That’s good. This is good, too: by helping someone out, you might be preventing the person God had in mind to help them from being blessed. Although I’m sure in God’s economy, no loving act is wasted.
This is basically a book to give rich, white woman with too much time and money, an excuse to keep more of their time and money for themselves.
She talks about emulating Jesus, who took time to pray and study the Scriptures (really? He knew them by heart – he is the Word – I don’t think he spent time studying the Scriptures.) He definitely prayed and rested but he always had time for people and he served with a loving heart and was not a doormat. She says she wished she’d learn earlier to stop performing for the adulation of the crowd and start performing for Jesus, the only one in the stands who really matters.
Here are the examples she gives for not capitulating to other’s desires but doing what God would have you do:
- Taking an aging parent to lunch one last time, or helping with your child’s school fundraiser for the third time.
- Spending time with a teenage daughter, or going to a friend’s product party and buying something so she can win an award.
Here is this author’s bio: “Karen Ehman is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, a New York Times bestselling author, and a writer for Encouragement for Today, an online devotional that reaches over 4 million people daily. She has written seventeen books including Keep It Shut, Pressing Pause, and Keep Showing Up. Her passion is to help women to live their priorities as they reflect the gospel to a watching world. Married to her college sweetheart, Todd, the mother of three, and mom-in-law of two, she enjoys antique hunting, cheering for the Detroit Tigers, and feeding the many people who gather around her mid-century dining table for a taste of Mama Karen’s cooking. Connect with her at www.karenehman.com.”
Dear God, Convict the hearts of these Proverbs 31 Ministry executives and authors. Let them start to do real good–Your good in a hurting world that looks to Christians in hopes of seeing a God who loves them. Let us all surrender to Your will, to look to You for meaning in our lives. I pray that all of us wealthy, blessed-beyond-belief Christians, would be good ambassadors for Christ and bring You glory. Forgive us for how far we’ve fallen and how far we miss the mark. Amen.