by Dale Carnegie, 1936
Wonderful book on Human Relations, full of vignettes emphasizing his points. Loved the historical early 20th Century times and lots of Lincoln quotes and stories. First part of book is best:
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain: “Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Approbation = approval; commendation
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want. (One example was of a little girl who wouldn’t eat breakfast. When her mother had her help make breakfast, she ate 2 helpings of cereal!)
Part 2: Six ways to make people like you
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Smile.
- A person’s name is the sweetest sound.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- Avoid an argument.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately (using questions).
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers (inviting the doctor to look over X-ray equipment and make suggestions for improvement.)
- Try honestly to see things from the other’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas (cash register salesman threw pennies on the floor of the grocery store).
- Throw down a challenge: “It’ll take a big person to go up there and stay” when needing a warden for Sing-Sing Prison.
Part 4: Be a Leader: How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation. The bank teller who couldn’t balance out at the end of the day. Everything else was great. Praised her for being great with customers then reviewed close-out procedures with her showing confidence in her.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Minister’s wife on husband’s sermon – “This would make an excellent article.” He tore up his manuscript and preached without notes.
- Talk about your own mistakes first before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. “Is there anything we can do to handle this order?”
- Let the other person save face; don’t destroy a person’s ego. “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes.”
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to: 4th grade teacher to known trouble-maker, “Tommy, I understand you are a natural leader. I’m going to depend on you to help me make this class the best class in the 4th grade this year.” Then complimented him on everything he did.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Son was 2 grades behind and labeled ‘slow.’ Dad used flash cards in math. After one month of working nightly, he was able to get all right in under 8 minutes! They praised and “danced a jig” at every improvement. Went on to become an honor student.
- Make the person happy about doing the thing you suggest: Paid his son to pick up pears – deducted pay for those missed.