by Joel Malm, 2023
Adam’s book. He loaned it to me when I told him about my greatest fear is that he will be hurt. He read it on his way to Las Vegas in March 2024 for a Christmas Light seminar. His boarding pass was tucked in page 38. Page 38 is about a purposeful life being an adventurous, risky life. “Life is full of danger and threats and scary things that go bump in the night. Nobody is getting out alive. We may feel secure or safe because we’ve reduced our life to a level where we don’t have to face anything we fear–but that security is an illusion. It just means it will eventually show up in your nice, safe little world and shock you.” This is an excellent book! It’s a road map on how to navigate the life of faith. It describes a circular pattern of life and faith, starting with a turning point, then courage, then the Guide (the Holy Spirit), then the decision, the adventure (challenge), the dark cave, the resolution, the new perspective, and lastly, the message. He used his time in Acapulco, Mexico, to demonstrate each of the stages. He was asked by missionary friends to take over their ministry in Acapulco. The ministry was extraordinarily dangerous – drug cartels, corrupt cops, violent gangs – and difficult – no conveniences, everything broken and rotting. But, he got the clear message to do this so he and his wife did. The whole thing felt like an overwhelming failure and disaster. But he realized in retrospect that he grew immensely in his walk with God. The ultimate goal of life is to grow more and more Christ-like in humility and love.
Excellent, exciting, book!
This is one of those books that has nuggets on every single page. It starts with how the whole Mexico thing felt like a “setback.” He couldn’t figure out what that year of his life was about. All of us have times in our lives like that, when we’re asking God, “Why?”
He says God wants us to be fully alive, “Gloria Dei est vivens homo,” Saint Irenaeus, often translated as “The glory of God is man fully alive.” His premises are three-fold: ‘God is always at work in our lives…His work tends to follow a circular pattern…His work involves a message for us to share that will show His goodness and give our life meaning and purpose.’
The Turning Point is an inciting incident – everything is going along fine and boom, something happens – a phone call, an illness, a divorce, the birth of a child, a new job, getting fired, the death of a loved one. Because of that turning point, you develop the courage to face your fear. The Guide comes to help you – the Holy Spirit. He may give you a friend, a teacher, a book, a mentor, a conversation – something or someone to help you. The Decision is next – to move into the unknown. It will have struggles and challenges “(aka adventure).” The Adventure can be full of hard times mentally, physically, spiritually. As we overcome each one, we grow stronger and wiser. The Dark Cave is a fierce battle we each come to, sometimes completely within ourselves in mind, heart, and spirit. We face something inside us we’d rather not face. The Resolution is when we come out of the dark cave changed but maybe with a limp. We’re more humble, more wise. The New Perspective is when we have a “unique message to share.” The Message is a powerful testimony to help others: “If they’ve refused to get bitter or resentful about the journey…”
He uses stories from the Bible, and his year in Mexico, to illustrate each of these points in the circular pattern of faith. His ‘Turning Point,’ was a phone call from his good friend, David, asking him to take over the ministry in Mexico.
“Whether life is good and you’re at the top of your game, or you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, in one form or another, we all feel there’s more in us–something bigger that we’re called to.
“I believe that desire for more was put there by God.”
But, the place to start the journey is in Christ, in the acceptance by God of who we are through Christ: “He gained you total acceptance from God. When you start from that place–who you are because of Christ–you’re on firm footing. Apart from that acceptance, you’ll never drum up the ability to accept who you are without lying to yourself.”…”You have the potential to grow into the fullness of all God placed in you. It’s a holy discontentment that drives us to be all God made us to be.”
“When you start your journey based in the security and confidence of your salvation, it leads you to do some pretty bold and adventurous things.”
Sometimes the catalyst for change is discomfort in your current situation. He was an assistant pastor in a church and was really uncomfortable with the situation – “underutilized” and meeting after meeting. “Comfort tends to be the enemy of reaching your destiny. Comfort will keep you from moving forward. I’ve seen that God will often give the gift of discomfort right before a transition is about to happen.”
When turning points, inciting incidents, happen, you can either approach them as a victim – blaming and resentful – or as an adventurer. “When you choose to see yourself as a willing participant in an adventure–rather than a victim–your brain chemistry actually begins to shift. Your mind goes into exploration-and-learning mode, rather than fear.”
The chapter on courage talks about how to face your fear. If you don’t have fear when you are facing a turning point, you don’t have all the details or you’re ignoring some facts. A fulfilling and purposeful life is a life with risks. Life will always involve fear; if you try to insulate yourself from all of the dangers and risks, you will not truly be living and something will bite you eventually. “Another weird paradox of our faith is that you only get the experience of truly living when you’re willing to surrender yourself to the possibility of death. “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.” Way too many people never really live because they’re trying to arrive safely at death.”…
He makes a bold statement – that one cannot “live a God-honoring life without taking some God-honoring risks.” When we take risks, it shows we’re not relying on our selves, our money, our own power or intelligence. It shows we trust God and have faith that in all things He is working for the good of those who love Him.
He talks about how fear manifests itself in our lives. First is “Analysis Paralysis.” Doing tons of research can result in doing nothing, making one cynical and resentful, and filled with regret. Second is feeling unqualified or disqualified. “When people saw the boldness of the apostles at Pentecost, many of whom were just fisherman, they realized what set them apart was that they had been with Jesus. We’re all unqualified, but Jesus qualifies us.” Third is fear of looking foolish or failing. That kind of fear is really pride. “Pride tells you to keep things under your control and look like you have it all together.” Fourth is timing – sometimes it is wise to wait, but oftentimes the right time will feel like the worst possible time to do something. That was how it was when he was 12 years old and his dad decided to move the family to Guatemala. It was a dangerous time in Guatemala – they were in the midst of a civil war and you couldn’t tell who were the good guys and who were the bad guys. The fifth way fear can manifest itself is through opposition. Listen to the opposing voices because God often talks to us through others, but ultimately listen to the Holy Spirit inside of you.
“Whatever your fear may look like, here’s the important thing to recognize about it: Fear doesn’t go away. It must be acknowledged and faced; otherwise it becomes a constant impediment to your forward movement…You’ll probably never become fearless, but you can fear less…”
The part about Transcending Fear is really, really good. Fear entered the world when sin entered the world. “Being separated from God’s love–the only true source of security, connection, and control–Adam and Eve felt fear. We’ve all felt it, in one form or another, ever since….”
“…But because Jesus has reconnected us to the perfect source of security, connection, and control–God’s love–we don’t have to be afraid anymore…”
“Fear makes your world small. It causes you to constantly focus on getting your needs met and run from anything that threatens those needs. When you live in fear, you never really live at all.”
God made us with those needs (for security, connection, and control) and He wants us to meet those needs through Him. “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things [security, connection, and control] will be added to you.” When you’re focused on the highest possible perspective–God’s Kingdom–it gives the courage and confidence to move forward. You stop looking at all that could go wrong and start looking at all that could go right. When you seek a higher aim and step out in courage, all the things you need will materialize.”
“Or you might step out in courage and die. And then all your problems really will be solved.”
“Just kidding, sort of. (But seriously, I doubt you’ll die.) Here is something encouraging, though: Jesus actually did die when He surrendered to a higher call. But what came from that risk brought more life than anyone ever could have imagined. God will often ask you to do something that feels like dying, but when He brings resurrection from the death, there’s no limit to how glorious the outcome may be. We have no idea what is possible when we surrender our life to the risks God asks us to take in our adventure of faith.”
To conquer irrational fears, recall that God loves you so much and nothing will ever separate you from that love. He created you for a purpose and a mission. When we stand before Him in eternity, we will have to give an account of what we did with His gift of life. Did we bury it? Or did we step up and use what He gave us to the best of our ability.
His dad spent a lot of time in prayer and counsel before he moved his young family to dangerous Guatemala. He was never 100% certain it was the right thing to do. “There is no formula. There is only revelation. Each person must receive a direct revelation from God regarding what they must do.”
He says as followers of Christ, we don’t get to choose our adventure – God chooses it for us. But we do get to choose how we will respond to the adventure. Choose to be courageous and trust God.
His chapter on The Guide starts out with a story about his marriage proposal to Emily, his wife. He first asked her dad for permission and was going to ask Emily to be his wife the next day but got clear messages from friends that he was to wait. He ended up waiting a whole year and in retrospect, the things that happened that year would have made a very difficult start to his married life with Emily. “God needed to work some things out of me and prepare us both for marriage.”
God always provides us with a Guide when we are facing a turning point and are not sure in what direction to go.
“Since Jesus knew we couldn’t handle it all at once, He promised to send a Guide who would lead us in truth–the Holy Spirit. He is our guide in navigating the complexity of every circle and season of life. He gives revelation of the truth you need, in the amount you can handle, at the precise moment you need it along the journey.” The Holy Spirit talks to us through the Word of God. Partial truths are all we ever have, we can’t handle it all at once, and that’s okay. We know there is always more to be revealed. Stay humble, knowing there is always more to be revealed in God’s Word.
God uses people to guide us, too. If you feel alone, he says to look around – for someone God wants to use to give guidance to you. Humbly ask God for help. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
God also uses our inner voice, but not our human one, but the inner voice of the Holy Spirit living within us. “So just listening to your “heart” is a bad idea. We are masters at lying to ourselves.”
“The Spirit of God within will actually speak to you. When God speaks to give guidance, it comes as a “gentle whisper.” So you’ll have to quiet your mind and your own desires to hear it-but God promises He will speak.”
“You know you’ve heard the inner voice of God when it doesn’t contradict what the Bible says and, typically, it’s confirmed by trusted advisors in your life.” Lastly, give credence to the circumstances around you – but not full credence. Sometimes they line up with what you feel you are to do, but sometimes they don’t until you make the decision and step forward in faith.
The Decision involves total, full commitment to the path. “And that’s the nature of fully committing to the journey God places in front of you. You have no idea what lies on the other side of total commitment. There will be challenges. It will be hard and, at times, may feel unbearable. But know this: There will also be loads of unexpected benefits you can’t even calculate into the equation right now because you just don’t know what you don’t know. You only get the benefits when you go all in.” Then he talks about when Jesus tells the people who had other things to do first, before they could follow Him, like bury their father, or say goodbye to the family back home, to “Leave the dead to bury their own dead…,” and “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”
“Sweet, loving, compassionate Jesus didn’t seem to have patience for a halfast commitment. I don’t think He was trying to be harsh. I think His insistence on total commitment was actually loving. Jesus knew it’s only when you fully commit that you get the benefits and rewards in the life of faith.”
In The Adventure (aka The Challenges), he talks about the struggles in life that make us stronger. God gives us these struggles. “In the struggles of life, God will often push us beyond what we think we can handle. He does this so we’re forced to lean on His strength rather than our own ability. That’s what the Apostle Paul heard from God in his own personal struggle: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Strength is the ultimate goal, but the path to strength often feels like defeat, weakness, and failure at first. Feeling weak isn’t a bad thing if it leads you to the source of ultimate strength–the love of God.”
Then he talks about The Gift of Your Enemies, and how God uses the people who are opposing us, trying to get us fired, or the illness that is attacking us: “Moreover, if you can keep your perspective lifted, there’s a good chance you’ll become the force God uses to rescue the very people who were your enemies.” He uses the story of Joseph and the hatred he faced from his brothers, to illustrate this. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Then he talks about The Gift of Limitations, and illustrates how he loves to cook but his wife was allergic to so many foods, it seemed impossible to cook for her. But he delved into it and now it is no challenge at all to cook for her and he loves it. “Limitation also breeds creativity. We’re made in our Creator’s image, so I believe all of us have creative capacity. But those capacities probably won’t come out until you’re under some pressure to be creative. If you’re struggling to be creative or feeling bored with life, maybe it’s time to commit to a path and limit your options. Say no to other possibilities and pick one–then figure out how to thrive in that limitation.”
In You’ll Have It When You Need It, he talks about himself – he doesn’t like struggles – he doesn’t rejoice in suffering. His worries involve how to avoid future suffering. He quotes Jesus, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” He says to take each day at a time, focus on only what this day involves. Manna was given each day – enough for that day – if they tried to store it up, it went bad. “Don’t create unnecessary suffering or make life harder than it needs to be. But don’t run from necessary suffering–the kind that makes you stronger.” Victor Frankl quote: “What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal.”
The Mexico thing came to an abrupt end and he wondered what it was all about – why did God lead him there in the first place when it all seemed like a total waste of time and effort – a complete failure. He went through a season of not wanting to read the Bible, not wanting to pray. The is when you are in the dark cave. He has a whole chapter on this stage of life. After the dark cave, you come out the other side stronger and with a new perspective and in a whole new world. But the time in the dark cave is tough. The worst part of it is the feeling that God has abandoned you. “If you haven’t felt a dark night of separation or confusion with God, there’s a good chance the God you’ve been following is a God you created in your image. Because the true God is full of mystery. The more we know Him, the more we realize just how little we know or understand His ways. Dark Nights of the Soul aren’t punishment. They’re part of the process.” They make us stronger.
“If God cuts something or someone out of your life, you can be certain it was something that was holding you back.”
The key is to surrender – surrender my will to God’s will. The struggles in the dark cave ultimately are always internal struggles. “His pruning can help us conquer our need for affirmation from others, our dependence on turn-by-turn instructions from on high, and getting our sense of worth from what we own, know, or do. The Master knows what will keep you from producing your greatest work. If you can keep your perspective on the big, circular picture, you can have faith that whatever God is stripping away in the cave is a gift to help you let go of anything that is limiting you from becoming all He knows you can be.”
In the chapter called The Resolution, he writes about how important it is to forgive. He has 2 really important points on forgiveness: 1. “Forgiveness is a decision.” Doesn’t matter if the person you’re forgiving has admitted their guilt. It’s a personal decision to “release them from the hurt they caused you…to set yourself free.” “2. Forgiveness is a one-time decision, but you have to remind yourself of your decision over and over.”
He relays the story of Jacob wrestling with God and how he got a wound that caused him to limp the rest of his life. We all have a limp. “Your wounds have the power to speak life to others. Your wounds give you a message to share with the world.” Sometimes the reason for your wounds won’t be known for a long, long time. But eventually you will have “A New Perspective.” His friend Mark has a formula: “Change of Pace + Change of Place = Change of Perspective.”
If we truly believe that God is working all things for good for those that love Him and that by Him, for Him and through Him, all things were created (ALL THINGS), and He is before all things and holds all things together – “How would you begin to see your life and the world around you?”
The goal is to become more Christ-like. “Love is the primary measuring stick for spiritual maturity. So I tend to believe that evaluating whether a season was a success or failure can come down to one question: Did we become more loving?” He gives M. Scott Peck’s definition of love: “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” And also 1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. It’s not easy. “The more you come to understand God and yourself, the more you realize how little you actually know and how much more room there is to grow.”
“If you ever hear someone talking about how loving they are, run! I’ve seen that those who are most immature love to talk about how mature, loving, and enlightened they are.”
Under What Real Maturity Looks Like, he tells about Paul saying not to do something you know is okay if another feels it is wrong. “He’s saying we need to be patient with people at their current level of understanding. True maturity embraces people where they are and respects the circle of the journey they’re currently walking.”
“If you sit around thinking about how mature you are, you probably aren’t. Real maturity is measured by your love and humility.” He talks about Philippians where Paul writes that Jesus, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant. “He came to our level and walked with us.
“That is the definition of meekness. Meekness isn’t weakness. Meekness is strength used for the benefit of another. It’s love. Extending ourself for others.”
“When you walk in humility and meekness, you probably won’t even realize you’re doing it–that’s when you’ll truly be mature.”
He talks about a book he wrote – he was sure it was his magnum opus – he sent it away and the writing coach said, ‘this is a great start to your righting career.’ He had poured his heart and soul into it. He realizes now it was self-righteous and preachy – a horrible book. He went to a writing conference and a book changed his life: “The Critical Journey” by Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich. In that book, there are 6 stages of the faith life. It’s also a circular path: 1. Recognition of God. 2. Life of Discipleship. 3. Productive Life. 4. Journey Inward. Then you hit a wall. 5. Journey Outward. 6. Life of Love. I like his side note on The Critical Journey. He says it can explain why people criticize churches – if they are at a different stage than the pastor’s teaching, it feels off to them. For example, a person who is in the Journey Inward will not appreciate a pastor who preaches to those in the Recognition of God stage, or the Productive Life stage. They will say the Productive Life stage pastors are “social-justice warriors.” But, we need pastors teaching to all stages. “Mature believers walk with and love people in every stage of the journey.”
In the chapter, The Message, he writes about how he wrote a book, Vision Map, but left out completely what happened to him in Mexico. But as he looks back, he realizes that God used that experience to grow him immensely and in ways he really needed to grow. “Through my struggle with fear and anger and trying to keep perspective, God had given me a unique experience that I want to make sure wasn’t for nothing. As I’ve looked back over the last few circles of my life, I’ve seen a consistent message emerge, namely: stop unnecessary suffering (through wisdom) and find meaning in necessary suffering (through perspective). That’s my message. Whenever I talk to people about how to conquer fear or deal with anger or keep their life in perspective, it all fits into that message.”
I especially like these lines – remember these things in the hard times of life: “If we can keep our perspective lifted and trust God is working all things together for good, it will keep us from turning bitter and paranoid and instead turn us into people who walk with wisdom, humility, and gratitude. Let your past be a reminder, not your identity.”
He really wishes he had handled his time in Mexico with an eye toward the big picture. Instead, he was full of worry, anxiety, anger, and a lack of trust in God. “But even though I didn’t respond in the best way, God has used it. God, in His goodness, takes even our failures and turns them into something that can help others, if we’ll surrender our stories to Him.”
What part of your story to you tend to leave out? Maybe that’s the part that God wants you to use to help others. “Maybe it’s time to unpack your story–all of it–and connect the dots of God’s work in everything that has happened to you.”…”… you have a direct revelation of God’s work in your life.” [the verse, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”]
“There may be lots of shame you feel about your story, but there’s glory–God’s glory–in your story. Let that glory overshadow any shame. Focus on telling people about the glorious work He has done in your life.”
He ends the book with concrete advice on how to write a book about your life. You’ve got to present your life as a living sacrifice to the goodness of God. “The power in your story comes when you surrender yourself and what has happened to you as a living sacrifice. That’s when you stop focusing on your story being about you and let it be about the message of God’s work in you.”
The last part of the book is a Small Group Guide. This would be an excellent small group book, if ever we do one again.
Excellent book. Loved it! Thank you, Joel Malm! Thank you, Adam!