by Timothy Keller, 2022
Another AMAZING book by Tim Keller. What a blessing he was! Thank you, God, for Tim Keller. What a teacher of your Word. This was his last book, and it is everything a person needs to know about forgiveness. Forgiveness is only possible when a person is humble and realizes how much they need forgiveness themselves, and then joyful enough to realize that Jesus loved them enough to pay the cost and free them from the guilt and shame.
For me, the idea that every sin has a cost, it can’t just be brushed away, God’s forgiveness of us was not easy or cheap, is the A-HA idea of this book. He gives the example of someone breaking your lamp. You forgive them but there is still a cost you have to absorb. Either you buy a new lamp or you go without light in that spot. My sins, each and every one of them, have a cost that must be borne by someone. Jesus bore that cost.
Exodus 34:6-7: “And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; [Keller leaves off the rest of the verse: “he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Wayne and I discussed this, the meaning of the third and fourth generation allegorically shows the completeness of God’s justice. Also, the household, culturally was a unit – “As for my and my house, we will serve the Lord.”] But Keller says, “Not until Jesus do we see how God can be both completely just and yet forgiving; it is through his atonement (1 John 1:7-9). In the cross God satisfies both justice and love. God was so just and desirous to judge sin that Jesus had to die, but he was so loving and desirous of our salvation that Jesus was glad to die.” So, every sin of every person throughout time has been punished – Jesus was punished for them. God does not leave the guilty unpunished, we are the guilty, and He punished Jesus for our sins, and Jesus went through hell, literally, for us on that cross.
Some people say, “Why did Jesus have to die?” Because there is a cost to every sin, they cannot just be waived away, forgotten. There is a price. You feel it yourself when someone sins against you. You want to hurt them back, you want revenge, you want them to pay. Wayne says, “If there’s no penalty for it, there’s no justice, and we badly want our universe to be just.” Jesus paid for them all. Jesus bore the cost. “On Him was laid the iniquity of us all.” When a person realizes this in the very core of their being, then they know the immense richness of forgiveness and how much they need it. Only then can a person forgive others. Because, the second part, knowing how much Jesus loves you, that He was willing to come down to earth and pay the price for you, makes you so joyful and you are less likely to be hurt by every little slight you receive from fellow human beings. Humility and joy over the gospel – that’s what allows a person to truly forgive.
Forgiveness is not dependent upon the other person’s repentance, but reconciliation is. We are to forgive someone in our hearts immediately, and then work, as far as it is possible, to reconcile the relationship. There must be justice and love, both. Just as God is both just and loving. The person who sinned against you must be approached lovingly with the truth, as Jesus says in Matthew 18. Go privately and talk to them, maybe more than once. Be open to the fact that they may need time to process first.
Another A-HA moment was about the verses, “Vengeance is mine,” and “Save room for God’s wrath.” This isn’t permission to harbor malice in your heart towards a person. Jesus says in Matthew 5:22, “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” God knows that the seeds of murder begin with that attitude. We need to ask forgiveness and pray for our enemies. We need to be humble. We need to be joyful. The gospel, over and over, each and every day.
He begins the book with the parable of the unforgiving servant, the one who is forgiven literally billions of dollars in debt to the master, an absolutely un-repayable debt, forgiven at great cost to the master. This servant then goes out and demands payment of a nickel from a fellow servant. He was given mercy but refused to extend it to another. This is us. We are so in debt, billions of dollars in debt, that we can never repay. God forgives us at great cost to Himself. We are to forgive others. Instead, we demand payment of others of the smallest debt. We hold it against them. We do not extend any mercy whatsoever. We are that ugly, contemptuous, unforgiving servant. (Matthew 18:21-35)
He ends chapter 10, ‘Granting Our Forgiveness,’ with: “Don’t let yourself be twisted. Take in what Jesus Christ has done, put your little story about what people have done to you into the big story of what he did for you, and you’ll have all the power you need to grant forgiveness.”
Every single paragraph is full of wisdom and truth from God, through Tim Keller. Forgiveness is hard. It’s hard, hard work. For Jesus to forgive us was harder than anything anyone on earth has ever, ever been through. Every sin committed by every human being throughout the beginning of time has a cost, and Jesus bore that cost, felt the pain of those sins, immeasurable pain, complete separation from God, which no one has ever had to experience, and He paid the price completely. We are forgiven. We are free! Praise God. What joy this brings. Love God, love others.
God, I pray Your message makes it through to people despite all the lies and distortion out there, trying to blind people to Your love. Thank you for Tim Keller. Thank you, Jesus, for dying for our sins.
In the Epilogue, he tells about the movie, Places in the Heart. The final scene “takes the movie into a category of its own.” “Finally the communion tray comes to Edna, who hands it to her husband, Royce Spalding, who in turn hands it to Wylie, the Black youth who shot him. They are alive again, and they quietly say to one another, as they commune, “Peace of God.” The audience is strangely and deeply moved as the camera fades.”
“And yet at the same time, the movie shows us that there is hope for everyone and anyone, that you can be granted love regardless of what you have done. This final scene, then, in which killed and killer greet each other with God’s peace, is a picture of the future kingdom of God, in which divine forgiveness heals all wounds and wipes away every tear.
“The screenplay writer and director Robert Benton was asked about this ending. He responded, “I had the ending before I ever finished the screenplay, although I knew audiences would be confused by it.” So then why did he include it? “There are certain things images can explain that words cannot. There is something in the image of the man who has been killed handing the communion plate to the boy who killed him that seems very moving to me in ways I cannot explain.”
“Indeed. The Bible tells us this future is possible because the thing that moved Robert Benton has actually happened. There is one who, though he was being killed on the cross, called for forgiveness and offered his peace to those who were killing him. To all of us, then, no matter what we have done, he offers the “peace of God.” This gift came at an infinite cost to him, but he offers it to us gladly. Let us receive it and pass it along to others in the same way.”
Appendix A is Forgiveness Principles:
“1. The difficulty of forgiveness lies in that it is unnatural–it is not the nature of things. It is counterintuitive to our basic human instincts and nature. A holy God’s forgiveness was a mystery (before the coming of Christ), as God himself proclaimed in Exodus 34:7. Forgiveness is therefore always a wonder and surprise, and it needs to be accounted for rather than ever taken for granted.
“2. The dynamic of forgiveness is the atoning death of Christ, which provides satisfaction for sin through the self-substitution of God. This is what makes forgiveness possible (from both God and humans) despite its difficulty and unnaturalness. Our forgiveness of others is based on and empowered by (theologically, motivationally, and practically) God’s forgiveness of us through the cross.
“3. The fading of forgiveness comes because of the inadequacy of contemporary forgiveness models, which lack the vertical dimension. Christian forgiveness (a) differs from the therapeutic model because it seeks justice and reconciliation; (b) differs from the merited or transactional forgiveness model because it offers internal forgiveness; (c) differs from the modern antipathy toward any forgiveness because it shows us the need for it, the costliness of it, and the power of it.
“4. The history of forgiveness is rooted in the Bible. While all cultures have some idea of forgiveness, the dominant ideas about it in the world today derive from the Old and New Testaments. The loss of orientation to forgiveness today has to do with both the decline of Christian faith and the distortion of the concept within the churches.
“5. The definition of forgiveness is to renounce revenge and be open to reconciliation. Revenge is being satisfied by another person’s unhappiness, especially that inflicted by you. To forgive is to (a) name the wrong truthfully as indeed wrong and punishable (rather than merely excusing it) but also to (b) identify with the perpetrator as a fellow sinner, to (c) release the wrongdoer from liability from personal payback by absorbing the debt oneself (rather than merely pardoning), and finally to (d) aim for reconciliation and the restoration of the relationship that was broken by the wrong.
“6. The dependencies of forgiveness. (a) Internal or attitudinal forgiveness is not dependent on the response of the perpetrator. It can be done in any circumstances. (b) The work of actual reconciliation is dependent on the wronged person doing internal forgiveness and the repentance of the perpetrator.
“7. The resources for forgiveness are twofold: (a) poverty of spirit–and the humility that comes from knowing our salvation is by sheer grace, not merit, and (b) wealth of spirit–and the assurance of love that comes from knowing our salvation is by sheer grace, not merit.
“8. The dimensions of forgiveness are threefold:
a. The vertical or upward dimension. The character and reception of God’s forgiveness: (1) God’s salvation is more than past forgiveness but the basis for future forgiveness: justification and adoption. (2) The instrument(s) that receive this divine forgiveness and salvation are repentance and faith.
b. The internal or inward dimension. The character and granting of human forgiveness: (1) It is granted before felt because it is a promise and a practice. (2) It entails costly suffering, as it absorbs the debt rather than seeking revenge.
c. The horizontal or outward dimension. The character and extension of human forgiveness: (1) It pursues both mercy and justice together and interdependently, since both are forms of love. (2) It holds out the offer of a reconciled relationship and, eventually, a restoration of trust.”
Appendix B is “Biblical Texts on God’s Forgiveness:” 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Ephesians 1:7, Isaiah 1:18 …though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. Isaiah 55:7, Acts 2:38, Acts 3:19, Colossians 1:13-14 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Matthew 26:28 For this is y blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. Psalm 103:10-14 …For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us… Hebrews 10:17, Psalm 86:5, Psalm 32:5, 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Acts 10:43, Hebrews 8:12, Micah 7:18-19 …he will tread our iniquities underfoot..cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. Isaiah 43:25, Proverbs 28:13, Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Psalm 130:4, 1 John 2:1, Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Jeremiah 31:34, Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. Zephaniah 3:15, 17.
Appendix C is Forgiveness Practices:
“…Jesus uses the image of “debts” to describe the nature of sins…When someone seriously wrongs you, there is an unavoidable sense that the wrongdoer owes you…Anyone who is wronged feels a compulsion to make the other person pay down that debt…This sense of debt/liability and obligation is impossible to escape. Anyone who denies it exists has simply not been wronged or sinned against in any serious way.”
“Forgiveness means giving up the right to revenge…It must be recognized that forgiveness is a form of voluntary suffering….[story of the friend who breaks your lamp, you forgive him but you must suffer the cost, either purchase a new lamp or go without light there.] To forgive is to cancel the debt by paying it or absorbing it yourself. Someone always pays every debt.”
“When you are sinned against, you lose something–whether it is happiness, reputation, peace of mind, a relationship, an opportunity, or something else. There are two things to do about a sin. Imagine, for example, that someone has hurt your reputation. You can try to restore it by paying the other person back, by vilifying them and ruining their reputation. Or you can forgive them, refuse to pay them back, and therefore absorb the damage to your reputation. (You will have to restore it over time.)”
“But in all situations, when wrong is done, there is always a debt, and there is no way to deal with it without suffering–either you make the perpetrator suffer for it or you forgive and suffer for it yourself.”
“Forgiveness is always costly. It is emotionally very expensive–it takes much blood, sweat, and tears.”
Ways to forgive:
- Refuse to hurt the person directly, don’t make cutting remarks, don’t be demanding or controlling, don’t punish them with self-righteous “mercy,” don’t avoid them or be cold to them.
- Refuse to cut the person down to others–don’t run them down under the guise of “warning” people about them, “don’t run them down to others under the guise of seeking sympathy and support and sharing your hurt.”
- “Refuse to indulge in ill will in your heart.” Don’t continually play the videotapes of the wrong in your head, “don’t vilify or demonize the offender in your imagination” – “recognize the common sinful humanity you share with them.” “Don’t indulge in “rooting for them to fail,” hoping for their pain. Instead, pray positively for their growth.”
“Forgiveness, then, is granted before it is felt.” “Though it is extremely difficult and painful (you are bearing the cost of the sin yourself!), forgiveness will deepen your character, free you to talk to and help the person, and lead to love and peace rather than bitterness.”
“It is typical for non-Christians today to say that the cross “makes no sense.” “Why did Jesus have to die? Why couldn’t God just forgive us?” But no one who has been deeply wronged “just forgives”! If someone wrongs you, there are only two options: (a) you make them suffer, or (b) you refuse revenge and forgive them, and then you suffer. And if we can’t forgive without suffering, how much more must God suffer in order to forgive us? For if we sense the obligation and debt and injustice of sin unavoidably in our soul, how much more does God know it? On the cross we see God forgiving us, and that is possible only if God suffers. On the cross God’s love satisfied his own justice by suffering, bearing the penalty for sin. There is never forgiveness without suffering, nails, thorns, sweat, blood. Never.”
Spiritual poverty or humility is necessary to be able to forgive. “Those who won’t forgive show they have not accepted the fact of their own sinfulness. … To remain unforgiving means you remain unaware of your own need for forgiveness.”
“Spiritual wealth or assurance [is also necessary in order to be able to forgive others]. You can’t be gracious to someone if you are too needy and insecure. If you know God’s love and forgiveness, then there is a limit to how deeply another person can hurt you. He or she can’t touch your real identity, wealth, and significance. The more we rejoice in our own forgiveness, the quicker we will be to forgive others.”
“Jesus says: “If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15). This does not mean we can earn God’s forgiveness through our own forgiving but that we can disqualify ourselves from it. No heart that is truly repenting toward God could be unforgiving toward others. A lack of forgiveness toward others is the direct result of a lack of repentance toward God. And as we know, you must repent in order to be saved (Acts 2:38).”
“But we are also required to forgive in a way that honors justice, just as God’s forgiveness does. “If our brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3 ESV). Since God forgives us yet in a way that honors justice, so we should also forgive in a way that honors justice. Christians “are called to abandon bitterness, to be forbearing, to have a forgiving stance even where the repentance of the offending party is conspicuous by its absence; on the other hand, their God-centered passion for justice, their concern for God’s glory, ensure that the awful odium of sin is not glossed over.”
“First, God requires forgiveness whether or not the offender has repented and has asked for forgiveness. Mark 11:25: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them.” This does not say “Forgive him if he repents” but rather “Forgive him right there–as you are praying.”
“Second, God requires speaking the truth. That is why Jesus tells his disciples in Luke 17:3-4 to “rebuke” the wrongdoer and “if they repent, forgive them.” Many readers think that Jesus is saying that we can hold a grudge if the person doesn’t repent, but we can’t read Luke 17 to contradict Mark 11. Jesus is calling us here both to inner forgiveness and to rebuke and correct. We must completely surrender the right to pay back or get even, yet at the same time we must never overlook injustice and must see serious wrongdoing redressed.”
“+This is almost the very opposite of how we ordinarily operate. Ordinarily we do not seek justice on the outside (we don’t confront or call people to change and make restoration), but meanwhile we stay hateful and bitter on the inside. The Bible calls us to do the exact opposite. We deeply forgive on the inside so as to have no desire for vengeance, but then we are to speak openly about what has happened with a desire to help the person see what was done wrong.”
“+Ultimately, to forgive on the inside and to rebuke/correct on the outside are not incompatible because they are both acts of love. It is never loving to let a person just get away with sin…”
“Third, we are to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15); we are to pursue justice gently and humbly in order to redress wrongs and yet maintain or restore the relationship (Galatians 6:1ff.).
“There is a great deal of tension among these three things!…For example, it is easy to “speak the truth” if you’ve given up on any desire to maintain a warm relationship…Another example: it is possible to convince yourself you have forgiven someone, but if afterward you still want almost nothing to do with them (you don’t pursue a continuing relationship), then that is a sign that you spoke the truth without truly forgiving…God recognizes that many people simply won’t let you pursue all these things together, and so says: “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). That is, “Do our part and have as good and peaceful a relationship with people as they will let you have.””
Appendix D: Reconciliation Practices
- “When do we need to confront/reconcile? Jesus tells us that if we have been sinned against, we may need to go and speak to the offender. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3, ESV). But when do we “rebuke”? Every time anyone wrongs us? 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV) says famously that “love covers a multitude of sins,” and Proverbs 10:12 backs this up. This means we are not to be thin-skinned, and it would be wrong to bring up every matter every time we have been treated unfairly or insensitively. But passages like Matthew 18 and Luke 17 say there are some times when we should make and appeal and complaint When do we do so?…
Give correction under 2 conditions: “First, we should correct when the sin is serious enough to cool off or rupture the relationship.” “Second, we should correct when the sin against us is evidently part of a pattern of behavior that the other person is seriously “stuck” in.””
How to do it? Lovingly, gently, humbly. “If the motive of the correction is the growth of the person, then we will be loving and gentle…Ultimately, any love that is afraid to confront the beloved is really not love but a selfish desire to be loved… True love is willing to confront, even to “lose” the beloved in the short run if there is a chance to help him or her.”
“Nevertheless, it is clear that there are plenty of times when we should not correct and not “seek an apology” even when we are owed one. The stronger a Christian you are, the less sensitive and easily hurt you will be. Thus, when people “zing” you or snub you or ignore you or let you down in some way, it should not immediately cool you off to them.”
“How do you know if you have a relationship that needs reconciliation? Here are seven signs (or levels)…”
“1. You roll your eyes inside and think: “You idiot. What a mess you are.”…“You are calling them “raca” or “fool” in your heart.
“2. You hear about the person having a problem, and it is very satisfying. You realize you have tied your happiness to their unhappiness, and that is a terrible sign.
“3. You start to find most things they do irritating….
“4. You start to feel awkwardness in the relationship…
“5. You start avoiding the person.…
“6. You get a chance to pass along negative information about the person and enjoy it.…
“7. You are hardly speaking to each other, and there is a lot of very obvious friction that others can see.“
How Do We Reconcile? “Matthew 5 is what you do when you believe you have (or may have) wronged someone else, while Matthew 18 is what you do when you believe someone has wronged you. But it is also possible to look at these passages as giving us two stages of the normal reconciliation process, because seldom does just one party bear all the blame for a tattered relationship…Stage 1 (Matthew 5 phase): Begin by confessing anything you may have done wrong….If you are almost totally “in the dark” about what went wrong, you may have to simply offer to listen. Example: “It appears to me that there is trouble between us and I have offended you. Am I right? Please tell me specific ways I have wronged you. I am really ready to listen. Honest.” Then listen well to the criticism you’ve invited. …”
Practical steps for reconciliation:
-Pray silently asking God for wisdom and “to sense his love for you.”
-“Assume he is speaking to you through this whole thing…”
-“Beware of being defensive. Don’t explain yourself too quickly…Be sure that you don’t interrupt or keep the person from expressing frustration. Show sympathy even if you were misunderstood…”
_”Always ask, “Is there anything else? I really want to know!…Get them all out on the table or you will be doing this again!”
-“Make it safe to criticize you…”That must have been hard; I see why you were concerned.”
-“Look beneath the criticism for needs in the critic that may be there and with which you can be concerned.”
-“Now respond to the criticism by repenting…Please forgive me for…“
-“Admit it without excuses or blaming…”
-“Don’t just “apologize” but ask for forgiveness.”
-“If you can think of something, say, “And here is what I am going to do to change so I will not do such a thing again in the future.”
AVOID: overexpressions of how terrible you feel; being flip or lighthearted; making a confession that is really an attack – “If I upset you, I am sorry”; “Please, accept my explanation for…”; “Can you understand my point of view?”; “Is there some way, since we see this issue so differently, that we can avoid hurting each other like this again?”
“Real repentance has three aspects: Confession to God, confession to the person wronged, the offering of a concrete plan for change that avoids the sin in the future (cf. Luke 3:7-14).”
“Stage 2 (Matthew 18 phase): Now (if necessary) address any ways that the other person has wronged you…”
“Have a loving and humble tone…Attack the problem, not the person…”
“It is usually harder to forgive someone who will not admit any wrong and who stays haughty. Internal forgiveness may be a longer process…
“Look at God’s commands to forgive…
“Remember God’s forgiveness of us. We have no right to be bitter.
“Remember that God’s omniscience is necessary to be a just judge. We have insufficient knowledge to know that others deserve.
“Remember that we are being defeated by evil when we allow the evil to keep us in bondage through bitterness! (Romans 12 tells us to “overcome” or defeat evil with forgiveness.)
“Remember that we undermine the glory of the gospel in the world’s eyes when we fail to forgive.”
When watching from the sidelines, it is easy to pick sides.
“James 4:10-11 “Humble yourselves before the Lord. . . . Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another.” The verb translated as “slander” (kata-lalein) simply means to “speak against.” It is not necessarily a false report, just an “against-report”–one that undermines the listener’s respect and love for the person being spoken about…. Nonslanderous evaluation is gentle, is guarded, and always shows that speakers sense how much they share the frailty, humanity, and sinful nature of the one being criticized. It always shows a profound awareness of your own sin. It is never “against-speaking.””
…”Summary: If you hear a negative report about another, you must either keep it from passing in or go to the person, so as not to permanently lose respect for them.”
“In summary, from the Old Testament to the New Testament, the principle is this: If you hear a bad report about another Christian, you must either cover it with love or go to them personally before speaking of it to any others. The first thing to do is to simply suspend judgement. The second thing to do is cover it in love. The last thing to do is go and speak to them personally. What you should never do is (a) withdraw from them or (b) pass the negative report on to others.”
“SUMMARY
“Receiving God’s forgiveness
For the first time:
See your need for it and the cost of it.
Offer authentic repentance.
Understand/experience forgiveness as part of salvation.
Ongoing forgiveness:
Engage in self-examination of both sins and gifts.
Make a confession/repent: (1) for sin, (2) for sins under sins, and (3) for danger and guilt.
Reexperience forgiveness as part of salvation: (1) Jesus as sacrifice, (2) Jesus as advocate, and (3) Jesus as desire of the nations.
Giving and receiving human forgiveness
It is always your move.
Internal forgiveness:
Tap resources from divine forgiveness: spiritual poverty (identifying with sinner) and spiritual wealth (identity in Christ).
Forgiveness is granted before it is felt. It is a promise: to not keep bringing it up to the person (apart from reconciliation offer–see below), to not keep bringing it up to others, and to not keep bringing it up to oneself.
External reconciliation:
Tell the truth–name the wrong and do all justice.
Offer any repentance you can that is warranted; offer forgiveness, declaring the put-aside of getting even.
Overcome evil with good–more than just forgiving.
Be open to rebuilding a trust relationship.”
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT BOOK!