My story of disentangling faith from fear
by Jinger Duggar Vuolo with Corey Williams, 2023
What a sweet, sweet girl Jinger is! She grew up one of 19 children, on TV shows called, 14 Children and Pregnant Again, 17 Kids and Counting, 18 Kids and Counting, 19 Kids and Counting, Counting on. Her parents are good and loving people but they followed the teaching of Bill Gothard and his Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). These teachings profess to be Christianity but they are not. They are a bunch of man-made rules that you must follow in order to be successful in life. Health and wealth gospel at its worst. Not the love of Jesus and His saving grace. It made her life one of fear–a bunch of meaningless rules to follow from the moment she woke up until she went to bed. When she met her sister’s boyfriend, and then her own boyfriend, she began to see a different life, free from fear. She started to really read the Bible and learned the truth, that God loves us so much He sent his son to die for us, taking our punishment on himself and making us righteous. The Gospel, pure and simple. We cannot be good enough to earn our salvation. She has spent many years trying to “disentangle” what is true from what is false and in the process no longer lives a life of fear.
Beautiful book, beautiful author! You rock, Jinger!
Here are some good quotes from the book:
“Ultimately, Gothard’s seven principles produced exhaustion and fear in my life. I was consumed with being introspective, overcome by paranoia. I obsessively dissected my life–my thoughts, words, and actions–because I was terrified that a sin might sneak in and cause me to lose God’s blessings.”
“Author Jerry Bridges described this well [what fearing God is]:
“Perhaps a good working-definition of the fear of God is something like this: to truly fear God means to be in awe of God’s being and character as well as in awe of what He has done for us in Christ. When you put these two ideas together, you have an absolutely sovereign Creator of the universe who punishes those who resist Him, and yet loves us and sends His Son to die in our place. Surely that’s good reason to fear or reverence Him.”
“That’s such a helpful truth. It teaches me that the appropriate fear of God isn’t because He could hurt me, or even kill me. The right fear of God is because He is all-powerful, in control of everything, and, at the same time, kind, compassionate, and loving. A being with that combination of qualities should be first feared for His character.
“Gothard didn’t teach me to be in awe of who God is and what He’s done, especially through Jesus Christ. Instead, he taught me to focus primarily on God’s punishment.”
“I’ve spent more than a decade trying to disentangle a true understanding of authority from the false version Gothard taught. I had to learn what the Bible really says about authority and leadership. I’ll always be amazed when I read the thirteenth chapter of John’s gospel. In this passage, Jesus did not demand that His followers serve Him. He did the opposite. He took a towel and a bowl of water and washed His disciples’ feet…Incredible. Here was the greatest man who ever lived. The Savior of the world. The king of kings and Lord of lords. No one has ever had more authority than Jesus. But what did Jesus do with all His authority? He washed His disciples’ feet. He served His followers.”
“I don’t know what would have happened to me if I stayed under the umbrella of authority and closely followed the rest of Gothard’s principles throughout my life. I know it would have been exhausting to try to please God by obeying man-made rules. Perhaps at some point the effort would have been too much. It was for thousands of Gothard’s followers who have left Christianity entirely because the rules were too much of a burden. I might have joined them.”
“After going through a Gothard booklet, we’d sit at tables and talk about how the female inmates could practically apply what they’d just learned. At the time, I thought this was a wonderful, useful ministry. I’d talk about having healthy attitudes and perspectives, maintaining joy during difficult trials, and taking responsibility for our actions…Now, when I remember those trips to Florida and think about the women with whom I spoke, I’m filled with regret…Instead, I wish I’d taken those opportunities to tell the inmates how they could be truly free even while they were in prison. I wish I had talked about the radical love of Jesus Christ. Those women needed to hear about grace, forgiveness, and the hope of eternity.”
“Starting with those car rides and going through my relationship with Jeremy, I would learn that I needed to stop asking myself what the verses I was reading meant to me and instead try to figure out what God was saying about Himself.”
“God’s glory was the focus of entire chapters of the Bible. This was another big change in my thinking. I’d always thought my job was to be a light to the nations. I wanted others to look to me and want the successful life I had. Now I saw that my job was to point others to God. His glory was more important than anything.”
“He [Gothard] said that before this woman could follow Jesus, she had to first clean up her life because Jesus couldn’t “come into this kind of a mess in your life.”
“The Bible is clear that good works can’t save anyone. The book of Isaiah says that our good works–righteous living–are nothing more than filthy rags (64:6).”
“Instead of earning God’s grace by cleaning up our act, the gospel says we simply must believe. Believe what? That Christ saves all who call on His name. Acts 16:31 says, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.” No one earns salvation by cleaning up their life, as Gothard told that young girl. We come to Christ with all our mess, and Jesus does the cleaning. He transforms sinners who hate God into saints who love Him and are motivated by that love to obey Him.”
“I now see Gothard’s teaching on Communion and food as examples of his superstitious Christianity. Believers who followed Gothard’s teaching not only needed to wonder if the paintings they hung would cause them harm but also needed to be paranoid that there was some secret spiritual harm lurking in the food they ate.”
“But what changed me the most were the quiet moments when I read the Bible the right way. Reading the Bible became an exciting act of discovery that wasn’t about me but about God and his glorious plan for the universe. As I focused on Him, so much guilt fell away, and Jesus became more precious to me than ever before.”
“But although He has been misrepresented and His teaching applied the wrong way, Jesus is true, His love is real, and His forgiveness, kindness, mercy, and grace are the greatest blessings in the universe.”
“But Jesus offers freedom–true freedom. And when you understand His love, you will never be the same. I know I wasn’t.”
When she was a young bride, she had so much social anxiety. She started to come out of it through her faith in Jesus.
“What does any of this have to do with my social anxiety in Laredo? Everything! Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection show me exactly what it looks like to love someone. Love is self-sacrifice. It is others-focused. It is giving all of yourself for the good of others. That’s what Jesus did.
“But that’s not what I was doing in Laredo. I was thinking mostly about myself and worrying about how I was coming across…
“If love is giving all of yourself for the good of others, that doesn’t just mean your strengths. It also means your weaknesses. I used to think the best thing I could do was be happy and agreeable all the time. I don’t think like that anymore. Now I see that the best thing I can do for others it to be honest, vulnerable, and self-giving.”
“What I didn’t understand then is that unity does not mean uniformity. The Bible allows for differences. It doesn’t always tell you what to do…In those areas and so many others, Christians have the freedom to make their own decisions (as long as they aren’t disobeying a direct command from the Bible). Sometimes those decisions may be different from another Christian’s decisions–and the Bible says that’s okay.”
“Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8 are two of the main places where the Bible talks about Christian liberty…
“Regardless of who originally penned these words, I think the quote gives a helpful perspective on how to have unity and differences among Christians. “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.” We unite around the gospel, we give freedom for differences of opinions on lots of other issues, and we seek–at all times–to love people.”
“Growing up, I thought I had to obey everything the Bible commanded–whether it came from the Old or New Testament. Bill Gothard often referenced verses from Deuteronomy or Leviticus and said that Christians had to obey the command in those verses. This included commands about eating pork or certain kinds of seafood. … Jesus freed us from those commands. But we are still required to love God and others, just like the book of Deuteronomy says. Chapter 6, verses 4-5 say, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, The Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” And Leviticus 19:18 says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Now that I know the truth, that Jesus sets me free from those ceremonial laws, obedience has become less of a burden, and it’s helped me be gracious toward others who have different convictions. It’s also made me love Jesus so much. I can’t keep all those Old Testament laws on my own. But Jesus ensured I wouldn’t have to.”
“In these last few chapters, I’ve traced the massive changes in my beliefs during the past three years: changes that have freed me from the legalism, fear, and man-made rules of my youth. In chapter 7, I described how the Lord freed me from a fear of Him by showing me that He is my heavenly Father. In chapter 8, I looked at how a true biblical understanding of love–one based on self-giving, not performance–freed me from my fear of people. And in this chapter, I’ve looked at Christian liberty. Christians can’t have different convictions about the Bible, God, or salvation, but they can believe different things about all kinds of less-important issues. That has not only freed me from obedience to rules that are not in the Bible but also made me a less-judgmental person.”
“I still tend to keep my struggles to myself. I don’t like to burden others with what I’m feeling. But I’m learning that in the body of Christ, the church, I’m serving others by sharing my life, even the messy parts. Honesty binds us together and brings the kind of unity the Bible talks about.”
“My faith is as strong as it’s ever been-not because Christianity tells me the right way to live or unlocks some “key to success” but because I can find no one more compelling, more lovely, more hopeful than Jesus.
“When I look at the man-made rules I put so much hope in when I was young, I see only emptiness. More emptiness and hopelessness would have greeted me if I turned to the world, just as they’ve greeted so many who have gone down that path. There is only one place to turn for the kind of hope that never fails: Jesus Christ.
“I can’t leave Christianity because only there can I find Christ. He is worth it. If you’ve left man-made religion, don’t replace it with a religion of your own choosing. Replace it with a person. Jesus. He is all that’s left–and all I will ever need–at the end of my story of disentanglement.”
“I’ve spent the last decade disentangling something precious–the truth–from the errors that were attached to it.”
Ask God for humility and wisdom if you are seeking to change. Gothard uses fear to manipulate and control others.
“Third, I trust the Bible because of Jesus. The Holy Spirit has given me eyes to see that Jesus is who He claims to be: the Savior of the world. He is the Bible’s main character; He dominates every page of Scripture. And He is compelling. No man could have invented the story of Jesus. It’s too fascinating. Too rich. Too miraculous.
“Jesus is the ultimate reason that Christians follow the Bible. Only there can you and I learn about Him. Truth surrounds His actions and words. His power is unmistakable. He is more real than reality itself.”
“So why is disentangling worth it? Because when you know the truth, you know Jesus. He is worth all the sacrifice. He brings freedom. He saves your soul. He makes you like Him and, after death, will bring you to eternity where you live with Him in heaven forever. He is far better than the relationships you may lose, the influence you may not have, or the community you leave behind.”
Last two paragraphs of the book:
“When life is difficult, as it inevitably will be, we need to understand that God has a good reason for allowing us to suffer. He also has promised to be with us during the suffering. and when we are tempted to doubt our faith, we can’t look to ourselves for assurance that we are on the right path. We have to look to God’s character and the Bible’s meaning to figure out the next right step.
“In the end, that’s all disentanglement is: trusting God and taking the next step in the right direction. As you untangle the lies from the truth, Christ will be there with you, keeping you by His side until He calls you home.”