by Bill Bryson, 2015
This book is a hilarious trip through England with the funniest writer alive, Bill Bryson. What a joy! What a great escape! It’s laugh-out-loud funny on every page. I didn’t realize that Wayne would be interested in reading this book, but he was. And what’s more, he’d like to spend a month in England. We’ll go when Jojo dies and drown our sorrows walking about the English countryside. That is what Bill Bryson does; he takes lots of long, long walks, describing the people and places he sees along the way, his likes and dislikes. Often times, he complains – mostly about how much litter there is and how the government’s austerity measures are ruining England – but mostly he describes the beauty of the countryside, the warmth of the pubs, the quaintness of the villages. There is one part, however, where he lost Wayne’s respect; he describes seeing a little boy fall in the river while standing on a bridge above him. He shouts from the bridge above and this alerts the boy’s mother who then saves him in the nick of time. He tells someone the story at lunch and the person credited the miracle to God. Bill Bryson ends the story with this:
I nodded and didn’t say anything, but thought: “Then why did He push him in?”
from page 354
That’s the line that lost Wayne. Wayne says, “Atheism is the spiritual affliction of intellectuals.”
Here are some of the most beautiful places he describes:
- The Lost Gardens of Heligan: “At first I thought that is all Heligan was, just woods and ferns, but then I came across a walled cutting garden, full of bright, nodding blooms and dancing butterflies. In the distance the sea was just visible, a bright pale blue beneath a matching sky. It was all very fine.”
- Mousehole: “All this only deepened my admiration for Mousehole, which is in any case an absolutely lovely place. Its streets are narrow and crazily twisting. Many are too narrow for cars. Several lanes are more like passageways than streets. At the foot of the village stands a little harbor surrounded by a protective wall. The tide was out so the boats lay aslant on seaweed and mud. The sea beyond sparkled in the morning sun. St. Michael’s Mount shimmered, like a galleon in stone, across the bay. Standing on the quayside was the Ship Inn, a most perfect-looking pub.”
- Stonehenge: “And it actually takes no effort at all to be struck silent by the beauty and perfect majesty of it. You realize at once that this is one of the most beautiful and extraordinary things ever created by humans, and it is all the more remarkable for being totally without precedent.”
- Iffley: “But then, taking a fork at a spot called Iffley Turn, I found myself magically transported to a Cotswold village, or something awfully like it, in the very midst of Oxford. A village within the city, Iffley was stood mostly along a single road, lined with cottages and a pub or two, leading to an old stone church with a square tower. The church, called St. Mary’s, was built in the late twelfth century…”
- The Peak District: “I had a good walk along the Derwent and Howden reservoirs, enjoying the combination of shady woodland and sun-splashed water, amazed that I could have this much splendor to myself.”
- Buxton: “Buxton is an old spa town, mostly built of stone, mostly in the eighteenth century. The Pavilion Gardens, covering twenty-three acres in the very heart of the town, must be the most delightful town park in the country.”
- The Monsal Trail: “In the morning, I woke keen and eager, for the sun was shining and I was to walk the Monsal Trail, which runs for eight and a half miles between Buxton and Bakewell, through tunnels and gorges and views of sumptuous beauty.”
- Tenby: “Seventeen miles around Carmarthen Bay from Laugharne is the old resort of Tenby. I had heard that it is a charming place, but in fact it is exquisite–full of pastel-colored houses, sweet-looking hotels and guesthouses, characterful pubs and cafes, glorious beaches and gorgeous views.”
- Fishguard: “I stayed in the Manor Town House, a stylish guesthouse with entrancing sea views from all the back windows-quite the nicest guesthouse I stayed in on the trip. It was run by a friendly couple named Chris and Helen Sheldon….Fortunately, one that survived was the tiny and exquisite Fishguard Arms, across the street…I retired with a beer to a small table in the corner. As I sat there, watching the golden bubbles of happiness rising in my glass, feeling awfully contented, I became aware that a man at the bar was looking at me in a not unfriendly way…”
- Lytham: “On the basis of all this, I nominated Lytham as best small town in the north of England, and in a spirit of celebration I wheeled into a cheery-looking establishment called the Ship and Royal for a quick one before bedtime.”
- Lake District National Park: “I abandoned the car altogether in a lay-by and walked about half a mile between the bottom of Loweswater and Crummock Water, a neighboring lake, through the most sumptuous valley, beneath towering hills, all bathed in sunshine.”
- Durham: “I’m biased, but I believe Durham may be the nicest small city on the planet. It is friendly, brainy, carefully preserved, very beautiful.”
Lastly, he gives us 5 reasons he loves England:
- “It occurred to me as I stood there that this was one of the things that I really, really like about Britain: it is unknowable. There is so much to it–more than any person can ever see or figure out or begin to know…Britain is infinite. There isn’t anywhere in the world with more to look at in a smaller space–nowhere that has a greater record of interesting and worthwhile productivity over a longer period at a higher level. No wonder my trip didn’t feel complete. I could never see it all.”
- “Anybody who has a second country is greatly favored, in my view, but if the second country is especially interesting and lively and diverse–if it has cream teas, a noble history, and an extra day off at Christmas–well, that’s just the dog’s bollocks, if you ask me. Anyway, that became my second point: That Britain gave me a million good things that I wouldn’t otherwise have had.”
- “Item three is that Britain is fundamentally sane. I appreciate that in a country. I regret to say that this point also occurred to me while traveling in my native land. Let me say at once that America is a wonderful country. Think what the world would be like today if the United States hadn’t intervened in the Second World War and led the reconstruction afterward. America has given us a pretty decent modern world and doesn’t always get enough thanks for that. But for reasons that genuinely escape me, it has also become spectacularly accommodating to stupidity.” (And this was before Trump was elected.) “…I saw a news item noting that Congress had passed a law prohibiting the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services from funding research that might lead, directly or indirectly, to the introduction of gun controls. Let me repeat that but in slightly different words. The government of the United States refuses to let academics use federal money to study gun violence if there is a chance that they might find a way of reducing the violence…On tricky and emotive issues like gun control, abortion, capital punishment, the teaching of evolution in schools, the use of stem cells for research, and how much flag waving you have to do in order to be considered acceptably patriotic, Britain is calm and measured and quite grown up, and for me that counts for a great deal.”
- “Quality of life, I decided is my fourth point. There is something in the pace and scale of British life–an appreciation of small pleasures, a kind of restraint with respect to greed, generally speaking–that makes life ineffably agreeable. The British really are the only people in the world who become genuinely excited when presented with a hot beverage and a small plain biscuit….The British, you see, are always happy when they ought to be–when the sun is shining and they have a drink in their hands and that sort of thing–but they are also very good at remaining happy when others would falter. If, for instance, they are walking in the countryside and it starts to rain, they pull on their waterproofs and accept that that’s just the way it sometimes is. Living in a British climate teaches patience and stoicism. I admire that.”
- “My fifth reason is one I knew from the outset. I have put it last only because it is the most important to me. I don’t suppose you will be surprised to hear that it is the beauty of the countryside. Goodness me, what an achievement….I have said it many times before, but it really cannot be stated too often: there isn’t a landscape in the world that is more artfully worked, more lovely to behold, more comfortable to be in than the countryside of Great Britain. It is the world’s largest park, its most perfect accidental garden. I think it may be the British nation’s most glorious achievement.”
Thank you, Mr. Bill Bryson, our modern-day Mark Twain, for this delightful book. It has been a pleasure accompanying you on this trip through your beloved England.